Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2010

Hey! You probably don't know me, so allow me to introduce myself. My name is David, and I'm just your average teenager. Just one problem, I know next to nothing of how to communicate to people in the real world. I mean, I've made a few friends, but even then I've never really done anything with them outside of school. I know how to speak English in full sentences and what not, but I just have a hard time talking to actual people. So, I thought, "Hey, it would be a great idea to post stuff on the internet so I could get better at this 'communication' thing!" So, with that said, let's talk about music in the 2010's. Now, the 2010's are almost over, so I thought it would be cool to recap on the decade and how it has evolved over the course of 10 years. So, let's start with the beginning of the 2010's, 2010!

2010 was a big year for pop music. Newcomers like Ke$ha, Taio Cruz & Bruno Mars flooded the charts, while previous superstars like Lady Gaga, Katy Perry & Usher maintained fame and dug their heels into the ground. This was also around the time where rock started to dilute from the charts, with only 10 songs making into the year end, 7 of them on the lower half, and the best one already hitting the year end in 2009. Rap music held its grip with Eminem, B.o.B, Jay-Z & Drake had some good songs with them, and somehow Nelly got a hit. I'm still not sure why that happened. And country music became really, really boring. I mean, yeah, Lady Antebellum created a masterpiece and Taylor Swift dominated the mass media's attention (and still does to this day), but other that that, do you really remember any country music from 2010? Smile? Live Like We're Dying? Lover, Lover? All completely forgettable. R&B was also fairly forgettable, with people like Jay Sean, Trey Songz, Jason Derulo, and Chris Brown notching one or two hits of their own, most of them being pretty average at best.

So overall, 2010 was not a good year. We'll get to the good stuff later, but for now, let's focus on the garbage, and boy was there a lot of garbage. Even most of the one-hit-wonders of 2010 were forgettable. La Roux, Cali Swag District, Orianthi, Jaron and the Long Road to Love, Florence + The Machine, Yolanda Be Cool & DCUP, Willow and The Ready Set. Yeah, some of them were pretty good, but most of them are incredibly bland.

One more thing, here are the rules for my list.

1. A song must have debuted in the U.S. Billboard Year-End 100 in 2010. I can think of plenty of songs that sucked that made it into the year-end (Whatcha Say comes first to mind), but they already made it into the previous year's year end.

2. This is in no way, shape, or form objective. If you like these songs, good for you, I didn't.

3. There is going to be a LOT of profanity. If you don't want to hear that, skip this list.

So, with that said, let's countdown The Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2010!

#10

Quick fact you should know about me: I hate parties. I mean, that's obvious. I just said I suck at communicating to people, of course I'm going to hate parties. So, a song made specifically for clubs, parties, and social events usually isn't going to work for me. But could they at least be a little more listenable than this?

 

#10: "Like a G6" (Far*East Movement ft. The Cataracs & DEV) [YE: 37]

Everyone I've ever met has one of two opinion on this song. Either:

A) They think it's a fun little club anthem that's not meant to be taken all that seriously. Or:

B) They think it's an annoying piece of ass that never shuts up.

Take a guess which one is my opinion.

Okay, despite what I said earlier, I do like some party songs. But that's because they sound good. They have a good groove, they're listenable outside of a club dancefloor. Like a G6 is not listenable outside of a club dancefloor.  The production is sloppy. The synth line is incredibly basic and sounds like a robot being punched in the gut, which is bad for a song whose main instrumental is the synth. The only other thing of mention is the hi-hats that I am 95% certain are from a Garage Band pre-recording. So, the production is garbage, how are the lyrics?

"Poppin bottles in the ice, like a blizzard

When we drink we do it right gettin slizzard"

The answer is pretty goddamn bad. Okay, I know what "slizzard" means, but what does "in the ice" mean? For those who don't know, "slizzard" is early 2010's slang for drunk, so I'm guessing "in the ice" means in the club. This is why you don't put slang like that in your song.

"Sippin sizzurp, in my ride, like Three 6

Got me feeling so fly like a G6"

Oh right, I forgot that cough syrup was the drug of choice in the club scene. I'm not sure if that or Xanax is the worse party drug. Also, I should note that Far*East Movement didn't even know a G6 actually existed. If you want to know what it is, it is the Gulfstream G650.

Well, that's all I have to say about the chorus. Let's look at the verses.

"Gimme that Mo-Mowet-wet

Gimme that Cry-Crystal-stal

Ladies love my style, at my table gettin wild"

Okay, crystal and style do not rhyme. C'mon, dude. Get your act together.

"When sober girls around me, they be actin like they drunk"

Wait, how do you know there sober? Maybe they're actually drunk. You're at a party, who knows what kind of shit they're on. If someone is acting drunk, they're probably drunk, dumbass.

"Sippin on, sippin on sizz, Ima ma-make it fizz

Girl I keep it gangsta, poppin bottles at the crib"

The crib? Why are you at your house? Are you having a house party? I thought this was a club anthem. "Poppin bottles" in your house doesn't make you a gangsta, it makes you feel alone and depressed (or at least it will after a few swigs).

This is just absolutely mindless. It sounds like ass, it's repetitive as balls, and I'm glad they never had a second hit...except they did. Tune in to the Worst of 2011 to explain that.

#9

Two spots in and I'm already going to make enemies. Neat!

 

#9: "Secrets" (OneRepublic) [YE: 76]

Early OneRepublic is one of those acts that I just never really cared about. They usually just blended in with everyone else. Yeah, they got better, but their first two albums were a snore and a half. I was really debating over this or All the Right Moves to put on this spot. I chose Secrets because it bored the everloving piss out of me! The cello just stays in this always looping pattern of "doo doo doo-doo doo-doo doo doo doo-doo doo-doo" and just makes me feel like I just downed 16 bottles of Nyquil. The drums and what I can only assume is clapping are trying to give this some sort of blast, but all it does is make the song worse. It probably doesn't help that Ryan Tedder sounds like he's about to pass out from sleep deprivation. And while the production makes me want to sleep, the lyrics make me want to break something.

"I need another story

Something to get off my chest

My life gets kinda boring

Need something that I can confess"

Okay, so you're making up secrets because you're bored? That's...kind of a stupid thing to do. Also, if word get out that all your "secrets" that you're giving away are fake, that makes you seem like a shitty person. This is just the first line of the song, by the way.

"Tell me what you want to hear

Something that will light those ears

Sick of all the insincere

I'm gonna give all my secrets away"

But you just said that you're making up secrets. Therefore, YOU are the one being insincere. And asking us what we want to hear further proves that this is bullshit! Well okay, maybe he mean that he's asking us what we want to know about him that he's kept as a secret so he won't say anything that the friend doesn't want to know? That makes a lot more sen-

"This time, don't need another perfect lie

Don't care if critics ever jump in line

I'm gonna give all my secrets away"

Wait, this isn't the first time you've done this? And you were lying the other times? FUCK YOU! If you're tell someone a secret, then fucking tell them the secret! And what's this about "another perfect lie?" Are you so high on yourself that you think you can fool anyone? Well, you certainly didn't fool me!

"My God, amazing how we got this far

It's like we're chasing all those stars

Who's driving shiny big black cars"

What? Where the hell did this come from? Is this you're big "secret?" You're chasing fame? You're chasing the stars in their big black...cars? You mean limos? Are you fucking serious right now? The big stars don't even driving those! They ride in them while their designated driver takes them to where they want to go! God, you're such an idiot!

"And everyday I see the news

All the problems that we could solve"

Oh really? So, not only do you want to be rich and famous, you want to be HUMBLE, rich, and famous? Fine, whatever. How do you want to solve these problems?

"And when a situation rises

Just write it into an album

Send it straight to gold

I don't really like my flow, no, so"

FFFUUU-you know what? I'm done with this. Fuck this song and fuck Ryan Tedder. Next!

#8


The hardest songs to critique are the ones you have nothing interesting to say about, like this one.

 

#8: "Tie Me Down" (New Boyz ft. Ray J) [YE: 65]

No really, what do I say about this? I guess I could start by saying it's mixed like shit. Yeah, I can barely hear what they're saying half the time. All I hear are some awful DJ Mustard guys yelling "Hey!" over everything while the production drowns whatever vocals survived. And with lyrics like these, I don't really blame them.

"Know we been together for a minute

But a, it's kinda been forever since we been in"

Stupid.

"You know we got problems and you failed to fix it"

Stupid.

"No I'm not gon' make a scene

But you can't tie me down like a pair of shoe strings"

Stupid and incredibly clumsy.

"'Cause my life is great and you ain't nothin' but a hoe"

Burn, I guess?

"As you know I'm a man and I have no feelings"

Uh huh, keep telling yourself that.

This is one of those songs that's not even fun to shit on, It's just bad. And that's what truly ties this song down. Yeah, sorry for this section being so short. I just have nothing to say about this one other than it's ass. Next!

#7

You know those acts where the second you hear their first hit, you know you're going to hate everything they've ever put out before and after? For me, that act would be these guys.

 

#7: "Breakeven" (The Script) [YE: 27]

I hate The Script. They are the Nickelback of pop rock, including a frontman who CAN'T FUCKING SING! Danny O'Donoghue's voice makes me want to shove a rusty needle into my eardrums, especially here. You thought OneRepublic's production was bland? You haven't seen shit yet! This is without a doubt one of the the weakest rock song in existence! This makes Lifehouse look like Nine Inch Nails! And, okay, this is more of a nitpick, but sometimes when the guitarist changes chords, it leaves this high-pitched twang that just sounds fucking awful. And that's the strongest sound in the production. This shit is so wishy-washy that it feels like it's going to crumble at any moment into a pile of dust. It is full weak. Donna Lewis has harder production. Songs like these need to have at the very least a grain of energy to convey emotion. Oh, and these lyrics, these goddamn lyrics.

"I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing

Just prayin' to a God that I don't believe in

'Cause I got time while she got freedom

'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even"

And the winner of worst first verse of the year goes to...this horse shit! Holy hell, none of that even rhymed! I mean, that would be fine if the song wasn't supposed to rhyme, but it clearly is! Trying to have breathing, believe in, freedom, and even all rhyme together is fucking heinous! Also, note the atrocious grammar on the last line there. Yuck.

"What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you,

And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're OK"

Ugh, I feel like I'm gonna vomit.

"They say bad things happen for a reason

But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding

'Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving

'Cause when a heart break no it don't breakeven even, no"

This verse isn't actually all that bad. I wouldn't necessarily call it good (rhyming reason with bleeding is a little forced), but it's better than whatever the hell that previous shlock was. The problem is that Danny O'Donoghue not only sounds like ass, he doesn't even emote any kind of sadness in his voice! The song is clearly about a guy who's thinking back to the good old times with him and his ex-girlfriend. She's moved on while he's stuck in the past. Perfectly fine concept, I've seen it work many times before. But to make it work, you gotta show some real sorrow! If anything, he sounds whiny as balls!


This really could've worked. If they gave it to a better band (so, almost any other band) and completely gut the first verse, this would probably be halfway tolerable. A heart might not break even, but my patience for these pathetic assholes certainly has.

#6

Welcome, one and all, to The Beginner's Guide to Picking Up Women! Step 1: Don't call them a sexy bitch. Step 2: You've already ignored Step 1, haven't you?

 

#6: "Sexy Bitch" (David Guetta ft. Akon) [YE: 26]

"But wait!" I hear every non-American reader saying, "This was one of the biggest songs of 2009! Why is on the 2010 list?" Well, that's because this only reached the Billboard year-end in 2010 here. Yeah, for some reason America decided that this was the late bloomer. The production is dogshit. Much like Like a G6, this is a grooveless club jam. The synth is painfully fuzzy with the bass line sounding like me after a mental breakdown, clumsy and depressed. David Guetta isn't the worst producer, but my God, if he didn't produce I Gotta Feeling before this, he would be really fucking close right now. Akon, being the chosen vocalist, for some reason chooses to sing in his lowest voice, even though he's known for sounding like a horny chipmunk during mating season. And that part certainly reflects in the lyrics, or lack thereof.

"They say she low down

It's just a rumor and I don't believe 'em

They say she needs to slow down

The baddest thing around town"

I'm not sure if that's a compliment, bit if it is, it's not a very good one.

"She's nothing like a girl you've ever seen before

Nothing you can compare to your neighborhood whore"

Ah yes, insulting others to make her feel better. In all my years of living (so, not many), I have never seen that work.

"I'm trying to find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful"

Oh, that's easy! Beautiful, stunning, gorgeous, angelic, heavenly, practically perfect in every wa-

"Damn girl

Damn you's a sexy bitch

A sexy bitch

Damn you's a sexy bitch

Damn girl"

...Or that.

And you've basically heard the entire song. Yeah. One verse, one pre-chorus, one chorus. For three minutes. Damn, you're a stupid song. Next!

#5

Another fun fact about me: I hate the noise you make when you kiss. The sound just makes my skin crawl. SO LET'S PUT THAT NOISE IN A SONG!

 

#5: "My First Kiss" (3OH!3 ft. Ke$ha) [YE: 73]

Granted, this would've been on the list even without the kiss noises, but it would be pretty low. But those noises fucking SKYROCKETED it up my shit list. We've got another case of weak production. Granted, this definitely TRIES to have some punch. The guitars are fuzzy, but don't bring out any gusto, the synth is honestly just background filler here, and the drums and clapping are pathetic at best and depressing at worst. They put Ke$ha on here, and I have no idea why. All she does is one half of the "my first kiss went a little like this" and that's it. She doesn't even contribute to the lyr-OH SHIT I FORGOT ABOUT THE LYRICS!

"I said no more teachers

and no more books

I got a kiss under the bleachers

Hoping that nobody looked"

Dude, no one gives a shit if you're making out with someone or not. And if they did, they'd probably be cheering you. Unless these guys are in middle school which might actually be a possibility here because HOLY HELL THIS IS SO JUVENILE!

"Lips like licorice

Tongue like candy

Excuse me miss but can I get you out of your panties"

Do I really need to respond to this? I don't think I need to say why this blows, right?

"She won't ever get enough

Once she gets a little touch

If I had it my way

You know that I'd make her say

Ooh, ooh"

Well that's fucking disgusting.

"I said no more sailors and no more soldiers

With your name in a heart tattooed up on the shoulders"

Somehow that is the lamest line in the song. 

"Your kiss is like whiskey, it gets me drunk

And I wake up in the morning with the taste of your tongue"

Oh, so THAT'S what Far*East Movement meant by sober people acting drunk. They're drunk in love! Of course, silly me! Also, if you can taste their tongue in the morning, tell them to brush their damn teeth. Gross.

Yeah, I hate this. 3OH!3 are douches, Ke$ha's a bitch, and this blows. And the worst part is, this isn't even the worst song by them on here. No, that honor would have to go to...

#4

You knew this would be here.

 

#4: "Blah Blah Blah" (Ke$ha ft. 3OH!3) [YE: 51]

Yeah, surprise surprise, I hate this song. For the record, I don't dislike Ke$ha. I personally think the ACTUAL Ke$ha is far more interesting than the party slut she portrays herself as. Before we get to the production, I need to talk about how they autotuned her. On all of her other hits this year, her autotune works in her favor, enhancing the party girl persona and not sounding terrible. TiK ToK, Your Love Is My Drug, and even the garbage fire that was Take It Off, they all used it correctly. With Blah Blah Blah, she sounds like a six year old on helium. Her voice is 99% of why I hate this song. She has never sounded this bad before, and I hope to God she never sounds like this again. So, with that out of the way, the production is a mess. The synth is literally two different notes going back and forth at a snail's pace that also clashes with Ke$ha's horribly autotuned voice. It is a full on trainwreck. This is without a doubt the, um, second worst (you'll see what I mean in the next entry) production from any hit song this year. And then we get to...the lyrics. Oh boy.

"Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

Comin' at your mouth with your blah blah blah"

And I already want to die. Great start.

"Don't really care where you live at

Just turn around boy, let me hit that"

That...doesn't make sense. It's usually the reverse.

"Don't be a little bitch with your chit chat

Just show me where your dick's at"

You know exactly where it is.

"Blah blah blah

Think you'll be gettin' this

Nah nah nah"

Do you want to fuck him or not? Don't be all cheeky (pun obviously intended) with him now, you just told him to show you his dick! Subtly is out of the window at this point!

"Boy, gonna be a rockstar

So come put a little love in my glovebox"

Ew...

"Wanna dance with no pants on (holla)"

*vomits profusely*

"Just cut to the chase kid

'Cause I know you don't care what my middle name is"

Ke$ha's middle name is Rose, for those who wanted to know.

"I wanna be naked and you're wasted"

Ma'am, this is an Arby's.

Then there's 3OH!3's guest verse, which is...

"You be delayin' you always sayin' some shit

You say I'm playin' I'm never layin' that bitch

Sayin' blah blah blah, cause I don't care who you are

In this bar it only matters who I is"

Yeah, this is just filler. Also, nobody says "who I is." Next!

#3

I put this above Blah Blah Blah, fucking sue me.

 

#3: "OMG" (Usher ft. will.i.am) [YE: 5]

Before I tear into this, I just wanna say that the bass groove kicks ass. That's it.

I believe that this is the song that killed Usher's relevance. I mean, he had other hits after this, but do you remember them? Do you remember Scream? Climax? I Don't Mind? More? Okay, you probably remember More, but other than that, little to nobody remembers any of his other hits after 2010. But who do we blame for this?

"Did it again, so Imma let the beat rock"

Of course.

For those who don't know, "let the beat rock" is the calling card for will.i.am, one of the founding members of The Black Eyed Peas, along with being a professional "rapper", "singer", DJ record producer and "actor." He's the one who produced this along with having a guest "rap" verse. As I said, OMG has an excellent bass groove, too bad it's covered with a synth line that sounds like someone left the 20 year old fax printer on while Usher was recording. Along with random chanting that drowns out everything else in the song except for the percussion, which is generic and uninteresting. But will.i.am isn't the only one to blame here, Usher is just phoning it in throughout, using his lowest, most boring tone of singing. He sounds that he took some Xanax before Xanax was popular. But it's mainly will.i.am, seeing as how he also the only person who wrote this song. And by God, you can tell.

"Baby let me love you down

There's so many ways to love ya

Baby I can break you down

There's so many ways to love ya"

If that isn't the rapiest (is that a word? I don't care) thing I've heard from this whole year end.

"Got me like, ooh my gosh I'm so in love

I found you finally, you make me wanna say

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

Oh my gosh"

Gosh? What are you, a catholic priest in his 60's? Judging from the previous part, you might be.

"I fell in love with shawty when I see her on the dance floor

She was dancing sexy pop, pop, popping, dropping, dropping low"

Stop saying shawty. Just stop. It sounds dumb. Also, filler.

"Honey got a booty like pow, pow, pow

Honey got some boobies like wow, oh wow

Girl you know I'm loving your, loving your style"

Speaking of things that sound dumb. I'd like to point out the the chanting cuts out right at this point, which means that will.i.am was REALLY fucking proud of this line. Makes sense. And that brings us to will.i.am's guest "rap" verse.

"Fell so hard for honey out of all the girls up in this club

This one got me whipped, just off one look, yep I fell in love"

Whipped? As in being controlled and dominated by girlfriend to the point of doing anything she says and leaving anyone who disagrees? Jesus Christ, man.

"Fell in love with honey like my, oh my

Honey looking wonderful, fly, so fly

Honey like a supermodel, my, oh my

Baby how you do that, make a grown man cry?"

She does it with genetics and makeup. Possibly with a good diet and working out if her metabolism is anything like mine.

This song is awful. It's messy, gross, incomprehensible, and all around broken. Still only #3, though. Wanna know what's worse?

#2


I have...mixed feelings about Lil Wayne and his Young Money group. On the one hand, Lil Wayne has made some fairly decent music and knows his way around a rhythm, plus he brought us the biggest musician of the decade, the child actor turned Canadian representative himself, Aubrey Drake Graham. On the other hand, he's made some of the worst songs I've ever heard. From the insufferable I Can Transform Ya, to the insulting Love Me (Don't worry, we'll get to that one later), and his Young Money group Flintstone Fuck-Up, BedRock.

 

#2: "BedRock" (Young Money ft. Lloyd) [YE: 13]

Yeah, I'm kind of surprised at how high this is. I thought it was probably going to be somewhere around #6, but the more I listened to it, the more I hated it. The instrumentation is bland and unnoteworthy. It's the standard rap beat that almost every rap song was using at the time. Same repetitive synths, same basic as fuck bass line, same minimalist percussion. What IS noteworthy are these atrocious fucking lyrics!

First, we have Lil Wayne's verse.

"She got that good good

She Michael Jackson Bad

I'm attracted to her, with her attractive ass"

Well, we can only go up from here. At least, I hope so.

"And now we murderers, because we kill time

I knock her lights out, and she still shine"

Well THAT'S goddamn horrifying. Jesus Christ, that is disgusting.

"I hate to see her go, but I love to watch her leave

But I keep her running back and forth

Like a soccer team"

Or just most sports teams. Soccer's not the only sport that goes back and forth.

"Cold as a winters day

Hot as a summer's eve

Young Money thieves

Steal your love and leave"

Yeah, this is fucking stupid. Let's see if the next guy's verse is better. His name is...

"I'm Gudda Gudda

I put her under

I see me with her, no Stevie Wonder"

Well, thanks for the self introduction, I guess. Also, what do you mean by "put her under?" Do you mean under the sheets? Did you put her under the ground? That would explain the murderer line.

"She don't even wonder, she know she bad

And I got her [REDACTED]

Grocery bag"

Missing a few words there? Like a transition? Or something other than just "grocery bag"? Anything? No?

Yeah, Gudda Gudda went nowhere for obvious reasons. Now, if we're talking about artists that DID go somewhere after this, ladies and gentleman, here is the first ever appearance of Nicki Minaj.

"Ok I get it

Let me think, I guess it's my turn

Maybe it's time to put this pussy on ya sideburns"

Why the sideburns? Isn't that, like, the least sexy body part? Well, it's more like overgrown hair, but whatever.

"I'm so pretty like

Be on my bike pedal

Be on my low starch

Be on my Ecko whites"

What does any of that have to do with each other?

"He say Nicki don't stop you the bestest

And I just be coming off the top asbestos"

Again, you seem to be missing a few words.

Then we have Drake. You may have heard of this guy. He's had a few middling chart hits, but that's it. Totally not the biggest fucking person on the planet right now.

"I love ya sushi roll, hotter than wasabi

I race for your love

Shake and bake Ricky Bobby"

Yes, because that's what we want to think of during this sex song. Will Ferrell movies.

"I'm at the W but I can't meet you in the lobby

Girl I gotta watch my back, 'cause I'm not just anybody"

We know.

"I let her see the Aston, and let the rest surprise her

That's when we disappear, and you need gps to find her

Oh that was your girl?

I thought I recognized her"

Okay, that's kind of funny.

Next is Tyga, and...

"She like tanning

I like staying in"

Not a rhyme!

"I like rolling with friends

She said I'm caged in

I think her conscience is"

I want to make a joke about him being caged in like a tiger, but I'm not clever enough to think of one.

"She watching that Oxygen

I'm watching ESPN"

I think he's bragging about having two TV's, but it sounds like you didn't deliver in bed so now she's in the other room watching Snapped to make herself feel better.

"But when that show end

She all on my skin

Lotion"

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD USE A FUCKING TRANSITION!

"She pose like it's for pictures

And I poke like I'm suppose to"

Did I mention Tyga admitted to being a pedophile? Yeah, "like I'm suppose to" my ass.

"Take this photo if you for me

She said don't you ever show this

I'm too loyal (loyal, loyal, loyal)

And too focused (focused, focused)

To be losing (losin', losin')

And be hopeless (hopeless, hopeless)"

Liar.

And finally, we have Jae Millz. He's another nobody.

"She ain't got a man

But she not alone

Miss independent

Yea she got her own"

Don't drag Ne-Yo into this.

"Hey gorgeous

Um, I mean flawless

Well, that's what you are, how I see it is how I call it, yeah"

I feel like that's what I'd sound like if I ever try to be smooth.

"L-look at how she walk

Mhmm she know she bad

D-do your thing baby

I ain't even mad"

Why would you be? I can tell you why I'm mad. I'm mad because this song is atrocious! It's just one awful line after another loosely tied by a chorus that's a fucking dad joke! But, it's still not #1. It just can't be. There was really only one song that could top this list.

Before we get to my #1, let's look at a few dishonorable mentions.

D.M. 1: "Airplanes" (B.o.B ft. Hayley Williams) [YE: 6]

"And back then I was rapping for the hell of it

But nowadays we rapping to stay relevant"

Trust me, you won't need to worry about being relevant anymore. That's LONG gone.

 

D.M. 2: "Carry Out" (Timbaland ft. Justin Timberlake) [YE: 38]

I'll take two #9's, a #9 large, a #6 with extra dip, a #7, two #45's, one with cheese, and a large soda.

 

D.M. 3: "Cooler Than Me" (Mike Posner) [YE: 19]

This is the lamest song in existence. The beats pretty cool, though.

 

D.M. 4: "Eenie Meenie" (Sean Kingston & Justin Bieber) [YE: 89]

Asides from the dumbass chorus, it's tolerable.

 

D.M. 5: "Hey, Soul Sister" (Train) [YE: 3]

Of the three Train hits in the 2010's, this is probably their least bad one. Still sucks though. Also,

"So gangsta, I'm so thug"

Stop that.

 

D.M. 6: "How Low" (Ludacris) [YE: 36]

Chipmunk voice makes every song bad.

 

D.M. 7: "I Like It" (Enrique Iglesias ft. Pitbull) [YE: 12]

I don't like it.

 

D.M. 8: "Life After You" (Daughtry) [YE: 96]

Daughtry are the poor man's Theory of a Deadman, which themselves are the poor man's Nickelback, which themselves are the poor man's rock music. Next!

 

D.M. 9: "Rock That Body" (The Black Eyed Peas) [YE: 75]

Chipmunk voice makes every song bad...again.

 

D.M. 10: "Teach Me How to Dougie" (Cali Swag District) [YE: 98]

Memes ruined the internet.

 

D.M. 11: "Two is Better Than One" (Boys Like Girls ft. Taylor Swift) [YE: 72]

Sappy to the point of being obnoxious.

#1


Chris Brown, need I say more? I do? Well, how about a little background then? In 2009, young and upcoming R&B singer Chris Brown brutally beat and hospitalized his then girlfriend Rihanna. Now, I won't go into details, but the gist of it is that he acted like he had no remorse for what he had done and did not even realize what the little puke stain did. You'd think someone like that would be kicked out of stardom in a second, right? WRONG. Chris Brown somehow survived the ordeal, even after being arrested multiple times for multiple different reasons, and is still making hits TEN GODDAMN YEARS LATER! If I haven't made it clear yet, I despise him as both an artist and as a person, and Deuces may just be the most insulting song he's ever recorded.

 

#1: "Deuces" (Chris Brown ft. Tyga & Kevin McCall) [YE: 68]

You see what I mean when I said there was only one song that could've topped this list? One year after the Rihanna incident, he releases a song where he gives some girl the middle fin-oh, I'm sorry, I mean he gives her "the deuces." Yeah, he'll give you a black eye and a bloody ear, he's not that generous. Also, that pointer finger in the cover art looks photoshopped. The beat is limp. Underpowered drums matching weak synths and some snaps with the occasional owl hocking up a pellet. Like BedRock, it's not here because of the production. Let's look at the lyrics.

"All that bullshit's for the birds

You ain't nothin' but a vulture

Always hopin' for the worst

Waiting for me to fuck up"

We don't need to wait. You fuck up like clockwork, Chris.

"You'll regret the day when I find another girl, yeah

That knows just what I need, she knows just what I mean

When I tell her keep it drama free"

ARE YOU FU-

"I know you mad, but so what?"

Yeah, no shit I'm mad! "Keep it drama free?" Yes, SHE was the dramatic one. What kind of exercises are you doing to be able to suck your own dick this easily?

So that was Chris's verse. Fucking awful, of course. Tyga's verse is a little better. Well, barely, but still, baby steps.

"Thought it was true love, but you know women lie"

And you fuck 16-year-olds. Hey, I never said his verse was GOOD, I just said it was better.

"Tryna see eye to eye but we both blind"

Eh, I guess that's an okay line. Like a 5, maybe even a light 6.

"I don't never feel like we vibin'

Cause whenever we alone it's a awkward silence"

Huh. Another good line, aside from the grammar. Why did I put this at #1 again?

"I hate liars, fuck love I'm tired of trying"

Ah, now I remember.

And then...we have Kevin McCall.

"Look, my shawty always on some bullshit like Chicago"

I think that's a reference to the Chicago Bulls, but I don't know what it means.

"So I flip that middle and the index finger follow"

Dumb.

"Deuces, we ain't got no future in tomorrow

I'm a dick, so it shouldn't be that hard to swallow"

Gross.

"The other chick I'm with never complain

She make me wanna leave the one I'm with Usher Raymond"

Dumb.

"Probably didn't register, don't trip, later on it will

Shorty full of drama like gangsta grizzles"

Dumb.

"I finally noticed it, it finally hit me

Like Tina did Ike in the limo, it finally hit me"

Du-wait WHAT? Like Tina did...Seriously? You realize who's song this is, right Kevin? You know, Chris Brown? The one who beat Rihanna the year before?

Honestly, none of that is the worst part. The worst part is that if this flopped, it could've ended Chris Brown's career. If this flopped, 10 years of terrible hits would be no more. But we let it become a hit. We let this become a top 20 hit. We could've squashed out this little bug out of the mainstream for good, but we didn't. And that, to me at least, make Deuces by Chris Brown ft. Tyga & Kevin McCall the The Worst Hit Song of 2010! Best list should hopefully come out soon, and a few reviews of albums I'm interested in talking about. See you next time.

Other Songs That Sucked by Artists on Here:

"All the Right Moves" (OneRepublic) [YE: 54]

"Imma Be" (The Black Eyed Peas) [YE: 20]

"Take It Off" (Ke$ha) [YE: 59]