Yeah, I'm sorry about that. First semester of sophomore year kicked my ass, I've wanted to/been forced to get more social with people, and I just haven't had as time as I've wanted to be able to do this. So, instead of my original plan, we're gonna do the Top 20 first and then the Best of 2010. Why? Well, there's 2 reasons. 1: Unlike the best list, a Top 20 has an expiration date. 2: One of the honorable mentions in my best list got switched to being on the actual list, so I gotta write a whole 'nother entry. So, with that out of the way, here are some rules.
1. Every 3 months-ish, I'll do a Top 20. The next will be the first week of April, then July, then October, then January, etc. ALso, on my birthday week, I'll do a Top 20 ranking of the rock charts because I hate myself.
2. Christmas songs and album bombs don't count unless I have something to say about a certain song. I was gonna do last week but if I got rid of every christmas song I'd be all the way down to #38. Seriously. 19 Christmas songs in the Top 40 last week.
3. At the bottom of this, I'll post some songs that aren't hits yet that I want to be.
4. It's my opinion. Don't shit a biscuit because some 15 year old twat said your favorite song wasn't good.
With all that out of the way, let's go.
The Shit Tier (0/5)
#20: Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi (Peak: 1, Current: 4)
Do I really need to talk about this one? You already know why it sucks if you've seen literally any worst songs of 2019 list. It's a boring melody with awful lyrics sung by a man who doesn't know he can't sing. It's the punching bag everyone's used and is now all worn out from it and should really just be thrown out at this point. Next!
#19: ROXANNE by Arizona Zervas (Peak: 4, Current: 5)
Okay, who is this guy and why do I know he exists? This song debuted in the Top 40, and then just kept climbing. Why? He sounds like every other rapper trying to get a hit off of Instagram/Tik Tok by being romanticly w a c k y. I keep hearing how interesting and catchy this song is, but I don't see it. All I hear when I listen to this song is a desperate plea to get famous. But if I'm being honest, none of that is the reason this is in the shit tier. This is:
"Living fast, Ricky Bobby, shake and bake, yeah"
People, it's 2020. BedRock came out over a decade ago. We are not bringing back. Not on my watch. Fuck this song.
The Bad Tier (1/5)
#18: No Guidance by Chris Brown ft. Drake (Peak: 5, Current: 16)
Why the hell is Chris Brown still relevant? No, fuck that, why did DRAKE of all people bring him back? Wasn't Drake exposed 2 years ago for being a neglectful father who hid his child from the entire world? If I was in that situation, the very LAST person I'd want to collaborate with is a literal abuser who put a former flame of yours in the hospital! With all of that said, why isn't in my shit tier? Well...I like the beat. A lot, actually. In fact, I've been listening to the instrumental by itself for a while. It's a very soothing melody. Other than that, this song is bad and Chris Brown should be cast into the realm of irrelevance like all the other Usher wannabes and also Usher.
#17: Memories by Maroon 5 (Peak: 2, Current: 2)
Honestly, Maroon 5 are probably never going to go away. They stopped being an actual band and just became The Adam Levine Ego Project since 2012. I guess the more stripped-back approach is better, but it's still not much. Levine sings with as much passion as me in Science, the instruments are bland and follow a very simple chord structure, and while the sentiment of "hey, a toast to you even if we're not together anymore" is sweet, it rings hollow coming through Levine's monotone, emotionless singing. Maroon 5 have stopped caring, and so should we.
#16: The Box by Roddy Rich (Peak: 3, Current: 3)
I don't get it. This genetic mutation of Swae Lee and Young Thug who came basically out of nowhere rapping the same fucking things I hear every day with a generic beat that has a sample of what I can only guess is me at 6 years old making button pressing noises is just not for me. Why is it so popular? It's not even a single, it has no music video, and from the day I'm writing this, it's already hit #1! I have tried so hard to understand what the fuck is going on with this song, and I just don't know. I give up. I'm taking the L. I don't get it and I don't like it.
The Meh Tier (2/5)
#15: 10,000 Hours by Dan + Shay & Justin Bieber (Peak: 4, Current: 17)
I have nothing to say about this song except that it's boring and who cares. So let's talk about how disappointing Dan + Shay are. In fact, Dan + Shay remind me of another disappointing act in popular music, Imagine Dragons. Think about it. Both of their first hits were great, followed by a second hit that, while not as good, was solid enough in its own right, and then came the third hit and that no one gives a fuck about, and then uuuuuuuuuuugh. Putting Justin Bieber on this song just proves my point that they don't care. They're just doing this to make hits and damn any kind of quality. God, I hope Chris Stapleton gets big soon.
#14: Señorita by Shawn Mendes & Camila Cabello (Peak: 1, Current: 11)
Here's another one I have nothing to say about other than why the fuck is a hot, steamy summer sex jam being played in fucking mid-January. (That joke was written before Sean released his ranking, I did not steal it.)
#13: BOP by DaBaby (Peak: 11, Current: 13)
Out of all the songs DaBaby could've chosen to push, why this one? INTRO was right there, man. It's downright ironic that a song literally called BOP is the literal definition of the term "in one ear and out the other." Also, in case you're wondering, INTRO would've been #2 if it was in this ranking.
#12: Ballin' by Mustard ft. Roddy Rich (Peak: 12, Current: 12)
Oh, that's how Roddy Rich got big. DJ Mustard. This song is fine, I guess. It's another "rags to riches" story, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it's not really an interesting. I mean, there are a few lyrics that peak my ears:
"We came up on dirty money, I gave it a bird bath"
I'm just going to guess that's a cocaine reference.
"Yellow diamonds on me look like lemonade"
So, Yellow diamonds look like they're liquid when they're on you? Oddly specific.
"Rolls Royce umbrellas when I'm in the rain"
So, apparently in some version of a certain car comes with some super expensive umbrella that you can put inside thar car. Why? What's the point of that? That's like flexing just for the sake of flexing.
The beat is actually pretty decent. It's bouncy and fun, with even some decent sounding guitars in the background. It's no Boo'd Up, but it's also not Show Me, so it's clearly doing something right.
...Yeah I got nothing to say on this song other than I wouldn't be surprised if it grew on me because the hook is solid and the beat is decent. Next!
#11: Circles by Post Malone (Peak: 1, Current: 5)
There were a lot of songs from 2019 I wish I like more than I did. You Need to Calm Down, Please Me, Whiskey Glasses and, most prevalently, Circles. It comes just about *this* close for working for me. Every aspect about this song is great...in a vacuum. The vocals, while being soaked in so most reverb that the fucking Grand Canyon is jealous, are incredibly warm and relaxing. The bass groove is simplistic yet effective. The acoustic guitar is downright beautiful. And that hook is a monster. I've had this song stuck in my head since late November, and it doesn't show any signs of going away. So, if I have all this prise to give this song, why is it only in the meh tier? Well, remember how I said all the element are great IN A VACUUM? Yeah, that's the problem. It has all the elements of a great song, but pulls those elements from completely different places, thus making it feel kind of sloppy. That being said, I do listen to song a lot, especially when I'm walking, so who know. Maybe it'll grow on me, maybe it won't.
#10: HIGHEST IN THE ROOM by Travis Scott (Peak: 1, Current: 8)
If I could describe this song in one word, it would be confused. This song just feels so confused as to what it wants to be. It's like it wants to be this grand, magnum opus, but at the same time it feels like it's trying to be a more tightly focused full-feelings kind of song that Sean Fay-Wolfe of Diamond Axe Studios has coined as a "Wounded Dog" song, and it's still trying to be a trap banger on top of all of this. I'm not sure which Travis was going for, but whatever it was, he should've focused on it more.
The Decent Tier (3/5)
#9: Lose You to Love Me by Selena Gomez (Peak: 1, Current: 10)
I have some major problems with Selena Gomez. Most of her songs are underwritten, her production ranges from bland to...
...Whatever the fuck this is, and she is a TERRIBLE singer. Like, no joke, look up any footage of her singing live, and you'll see what I mean. But you know what? I kind of like this. The production might get a little clunky after the first minute, but the writing is a bit stronger than what I'm used to from her, and the piano is quite nice and so is Selena's voice. Granted, that last one is most likely the credit of Billie Eilish's brother, Finneas, who produced the song. It's not great, but as a nice little piano ballad, I think it works.
#8: Trampoline by SHAED (Peak: 13, Current: 19)
I have only 3 things to say about this song. 1: Jesus Christ, Todd. 2: Stop playing this on rock radio, assholes. 3: The fact that Taylor Swift released a song with the lyrics of "Cause shade never made anybody less gay" and then have a song by a band LITERALLY CALLED SHAED hit the Top 20 in the same year is hilarious as fuck. That's all. This song is okay.
The Good Tier (4/5)
#7: Panini by Lil Nas X (Peak: 5, Current: 17)
Yes, I am absolutely in the right demographic for this song because I actually remember watching Chowder when I was a little kid. I don't remember all that much, but I was there. And as someone who is terrified of the thought of getting older and having more responsibilities being piled on to you before you're ready, I will gladly take any sort of nostalgia, no matter how small it may seem.
#6: bad guy by Billie Eilish (Peak: 1, Current: 14)
Speaking of Billie Eilish, let's talk about her. Now, my points of view of things are a lot different than the rest of my family. My values are more liberal, while the rest of my family is very conservative which makes the holidays that special kind of hell specifically made for the worst human beings known to man to have to sit through for the rest of their, for lack of a better word, life. I'm much more introverted in an extroverted family which, again, is a special kind of hell (also, to any family members of mine, please don't kill me for this. Just keep in mind that I'm growing up in a very different time then you did and because of that my views of the world are different and that's okay). I listen to all kinds of music while each family member sort of sticks to one genre, whichever one it is. And I'm the only one who likes Billie Eilish. But you know what? I don't care. Billie Eilish is incredibly talented (especially for her age) and I will stand up for her until the ends of time or until she starts to suck. Honestly, even with all that said, I still wish something like bury a friend or xanny to get as big as bad guy has instead, but beggars can't be choosers. I really have only 2 problems with this song. The first being...
"Might seduce your dad type"
Ew. And the second being...the outro. It doesn't really fit with the rest of the song and it just all around awkward to listen to. Nevertheless, check this song out if you somehow still haven't.
The Great Tier (5/5)
#5: Dance Monkey by Tones and I (Peak: 7, Current: 7)
Fuck you Patrick, this song is great. The production is slick, the lyrics are memorable and clever, and the vocals, while taking a bit to get used to, are a treat. It's the kind of song that's stupid in the smartest ways possible and the fact that this was so huge in the rest of the world before the U.S. even got in on the Hot 100 is baffling to me.
#4: Truth Hurts by Lizzo (Peak: 1, Current: 18)
Lizzo is fun. She's got a bucket of charisma and the talent to back it up. Even if this song wasn't made for me, being a straight white cisgender male, I still feel kind of inspired by this. Everyone has a point in their life where they're just like "You know what? Fuck it. I don't give a shit what you think and I'm gonna be what I goddamn want." Hell, as someone still in high school, those times come up even MORE frequently. So yeah, the hype is real. Also, I JUST TOOK A DNA TEST TURNS OUT IM 100% THA-
#3: Old Town Road by Lil Nas X ft. Billy Ray Cyrus (Peak: 1, Current: 15)
Guys, come on. This isn't even as much as a song anymore as it is a piece of modern art. It's been studied and picked to pieces by so many people throughout the year and sparked a whole year of what-the-fuckery that I feel like I basically have to put it here out of respect. Even with that said, I do genuinely like this song. It's fun, goofy, and just puts a smile on my face whenever I hear it.
#2: Heartless by The Weeknd (Peak: 1, Current: 20)
I've been curious as to what The Weeknd would follow up My Dear Melancholy with, and godDAMN was I satisfied with the results. It's fast and energetic while also being cold and unattached, the perfect combination for The Weeknd's formula. This beat is mesmerizing. The trap elements work flawlessly with Abel's delivery. Ever since it came out, I've been listening to this song nonstop. Now, it isn't the ONLY song on this list that I've been listening to on repeat...
#1: Good as Hell by Lizzo (Peak: 3, Current: 6)
If this song made the 2019 Year-End, it would've topped my best list, no question. And honestly? It might be too early to call it, but unless 2020 turns out to be one of the greatest years for music, I'm fairly certain it'll top my best list for 2020. Yes, really. The song is THAT good. It's happiness personified, and I love every second of it. I love Lizzo's confident yet understanding vocal performance, I love the bouncy production, and I just adore the overall vibe of this song. Guys, this is going to be the song to beat.
So, that was the first non-Christmas week of 2020. How did we do? Well, the score for this week was a 54/100. Not great, but nowhere near bad either. I'm excited for what's to come. I honestly have no idea where this new decade will bring us. Hopefully more Rise Against. Please for the love of God let there be more Rise Against. I'll see you next time for the Top 10 Best Hit Songs of 2010.
SONGS I WANT TO BE HITS:
Heartache Medication by Jon Pardi (Peak: 58, Current: 58)
Jon Pardi deserves so much more attention than he's currently getting and I'm still mad that Billboard chose fucking do re mi over Dirt on My Boots for the 2017 Year-End.
I Wish Grandpas Never Died by Riley Green (Peak: 90, Current: 90)
If you know, you know.
Nice to Meet Ya by Niall Horan (Peak: 63, Current: 75)
Niall has seriously improved as an artist and I'm super curious as to where he'll go. If Nice to Meet Ya gives any hint, then I suspect I'm going to enjoy his solo career very much.
Slow Dancing in the Dark by Joji (Peak: 69, Current: 80)
*Insert Filthy Frank meme here*
SUGAR by BROCKHAMPTON (Peak: 70, Current: 70)
This debuted on next week's chart, but I'm putting it here anyway because this is the first time in history that I got into an act before they charted. Yay me.
What If I Never Get Over You by Lady Antebellum (Peak: 47, Current: 49)
Oh my God I L O V E Lady Antebellum so much they're so good and yes this is foreshadowing for my Best of 2010 list but shut the fuck up.
*UPDATE* WIINGOY has just breached the Top 40 as I'm writing this, I'm not replacing it seeing as how the chart I'm talking about didn't have it as a hit yet.
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