Hey guys guess what my #1 is.
Hi yes I know this is very late. Honestly, between the best lists, school, and very not fun things in my personal life, I kinda got sidetracked with this. I've realized that these Top 20 rankings work more as ways for me to stay on my toes in terms of writing than for me to do any kind of in-depth analysis. Because of that, these are mostly likely gonna come out later in months rather than earlier. I still enjoy doing these, so don't expect me to upright quit these.
The Shit Tier (0/5)
...yeah, there isn't any. Surprise, I guess. Let's just get the only two songs I dislike out of the way as well.
The Bad Tier (1/5)
#20: Astronaut in the Ocean by Masked Wolf (Peak: 17, Current: 17)
Y'know, I said there weren't any songs here that I thought were complete shit, but fuck me this one comes close. I actually didn't realize my dislike for this until very recently, when I had a conversation about said song with a group of other music nerds. And in that conversation, I had a revelation:
Masked Wolf is just the embodiment of every rapper that people like to point when they say that "hate mumble rap and prefer rap with actual lyrics."
I have a lot of thoughts on those type of people that's way too long to condense into a neat little segment, but let me say this: Every one of these rappers in this lane of "lyrical rappers" fucking suck. All of them. Every single one. NF, Hopsin, Logic from 2016-2019, current Joyner Lucas, got to be brutally honest with this one, current Eminem. They're all nothing but corny dad jokes set to the limpest beats in the world with shitty hooks that white people pretend to like to feel superior to others. Gross.
#19: Back in Blood by Pooh Shiesty ft. Lil Durk (Peak: 13, Current: 13)
I've noticed a trend with the relationship between me and a lot of the new mainstream rappers, that being I usually dislike them at first but eventually warm up. Happened with Roddy Ricch, happened with Lil Baby, happened with the late Juice WLRD. I don't claim to "get" everything on the first go, and like everyone else, sometimes my first impression of an artist won't be the lasting one for me.
Somehow, I don't feel like that will happen with Pooh Shiesty.
This guy is just...not very good? Like, his voice is annoying, his bars are lame, and his flow is basic as fuck when it's not sliding off the beat. I mean, the beat itself is kinda alright and Lil Durk saves a lot, but even with all that, I just feel awkward every time I listen to this. It feels like it needed at least two more takes before it was truly done, but either the record label or Mr. Shitsy himself decided it was good to go. Yeah, I'm sorry, but I'm not a fan.
The Meh Tier (2/5)
#18: Wants and Needs by Drake ft. Lil Baby (Peak: 2, Current: 19)
Why the fuck is this here?
That's it that's all the analysis you get fuck you.
#17: You're Mines Still by Yung Bleu ft. Drake (Peak: 18, Current: 18)
I have the feeling that I should both like this and hate this more than I actually do. On the one hand, the beat's really well made, and I actually like Yung Bleu's delivery a lot. I don't know, something about his "lingering-for-just-a-little-bit-too-long" vocals mixed with the downtempo percussion and guitar just adds this potent sense of longing for something in self-denial. But both of these things are somewhat double-edged swords, because on the other hand the guitar is a very obvious pastiche of the late Juice WRLD's Lucid Dreams, which in itself directly samples Sting's Shape of My Heart, which is a song that I fucking despise, which in turn has any song that samples it or sound similar to it have a very upward climb for me to enjoy it. Honestly, it's probably why I dislike Lucid Dreams and never got into benny blanco's Eastside, but I don't even think it's the real reason I'm conflicted on this song.
Yung Bleu might have captivation on this song, but he's not the only one on it. Apparently, Drake got bored one day and decided to give yet another rapper a jumpstart in their career, and...uh...I have absolutely no idea why he's here. Like, he just kills any mood you could encounter. He sticks out like a sore thumb in a finger factory. It's incredibly jarring, damn near whiplash. And that sucks, because if he just wasn't here, I could see myself kinda talking myself into liking this, but have Drake sitting his fat ass right in the middle of the song feels counter-intuitive to the vibe of it all. Damn.
#16: Peaches by Justin Bieber ft. Daniel Caesar & Givēon (Peak: 1, Current: 1)
Why did this debut at #1? I mean yeah, like most people, I would kill someone to have Givēon's voice, but we didn't really need to bring Justin Bieber in it as well? Did someone wish this on a monkey's paw? Heartbreak Anniversary is right there, y'all. Just saying.
#15: Hold On by Justin Bieber (Peak: 20, Current: 20)
Okay, this song annoys me, but not because it's bad. In a lot of aspects, it's really good. Solid bass line, Bieber sounding the most interested in his own music since God knows when, and it just sounds good in general. There's really just one problem: This formula has been used better to salvage the careers of two separate acts on the edge of irrelevance in the past five years already. Like, both Charlie Puth and Jonas Brothers used this same exact bass line fronted messy love connection song that's built explicitly for radio overplay after both of their fame were thrown into question. So, whenever I hear this song, all I can picture is a bunch of corporate label hacks trying to keep their cash cow flowing after an incredibly dry season, and that's just...not what I want to think about when I'm listening to music? I mean, do YOU want to think about that? The development of your own taste in music where a lot of the most popular tracks feel like a soundtrack to your life decided by those who gladly ignore any and all human dignity to squeeze another coin out of the listening public? Because I'm telling you upfront that I sure as hell don't.
#14: What's Next by Drake (Peak: 1, Current: 8)
I'm so tired of Drake. Every year we get another album or mixtape or EP or "playlist" or whatever the shit he wants to call them that belly flops onto the hot 100 for a week, only for two to three songs to actually stick around in the long turn. I don't care anymore, man. I'm burned out.
The Decent Tier (3/5)
#13: Go Crazy by Chris Brown & Young Thug (Peak: 3, Current: 11)
Why the fuck are you still here and how has your peak somehow RISEN since last time?
#12: What You Know Bout Love by Pop Smoke (Peak: 9, Current: 9)
Why the fuck are you still here and how are you Pop Smoke's second biggest song?
#11: therefore i am by Billie Eilish (Peak: 2, Current: 15)
Skip the why, HOW the fuck are you still here?
#10: Up by Cardi B (Peak: 1, Current: 2)
This feels like a throwaway single. Just, the definition of "It's alright." How's the beat? It's alright. How's Cardi's flow? It's alright. How's the bars. Well, the opening line is pretty good.
"Once upon a time, man, I heard that I was ugly
Came from a bitch who [REDACTED] fuck on me"
Yeah, that's a good line. I like that one. Other than that they're alright. To me, this screams of "Hey, don't forget about me before the next album comes out! Please?" I don't know why Cardi and/or her managers feel that she's close to that line, but it feels weird.
#9: Anyone by Justin Bieber (Peak: 6, Current: 16)
Sigh...fine. I like this one. A lot, actually. In fact, I'm probably just putting it here in denial that a new Justin goddamn Bieber song puts a smile on my face when I hear it. It's just a really sweet tune about how he truly feels that his wife is the one. No gimmicks. And there's a part of me who does genuinely appreciate that in a person. If I didn't know any better, I'd even call it...growth as a person? I mean, it's not, but it feels like it, and I think the illusion works - at least here.
#8: driver's license by Olivia Rodrigo (Peak: 1, Current: 4)
This song is actually a lot better than I'm giving it credit. Like, WAY better. It's probably great. I mean, a well written, well sung, convincing teenage break up song ACTUALLY written by a teenager that feels close to ballad material under gorgeous instrumentation? How the hell am I not in love with this Well...this is kind of another You're Mines Still situation in that this reminds me a another song. Let me explain:
So, y'know how a majority of the song is built off of one simple piano note? Well, there happens to be another break up song built around one piano note from a then unknown act. One about as old as I am, and still to this day is played through every supermarket and subpar restaurant chain throughout the states.
If you can't tell, the song I'm talking about is The Reason by Hoobastank, which to fully grasp my feelings on it, imagine my thoughts on Shape of My Heart multiplied by ten. Now, I want you to imagine this new song that everyone, and I mean absolutely EVERYONE is talking about, and you give it a listen. Now imagine hearing everyone praise the song to high heavens, and you agree with them. You think it's a really good song, and yet in the back of your mind the only thing you can think of when you hear it is the familiarity to a lazy piece of shit written like ass, dull as dishwater, sung by a freshly castrated gopher that makes you want to drive head first into traffic just to be able to not hear it at every fucking sto-I'm getting sidetracked.
Yeah, this still needs time for me. Once I disconnect it with The Reason, I get the feeling it'll hit a lot harder for me. But for now...I still need time.
The Good Tier (4/5)
#7: Mood by 24kGoldn ft. iann dior (Peak: 1, Current: 10)
This is literally going to be an honorable mention on my best list, how the hell is it only at #7?
#6: Levitating by Dua Lipa ft. DaBaby (Peak: 5, Current: 7)
Guys please help DaBaby's trapped me in his basement and he's left foot right foot levitating over me trying to perform a sacrifi-
#5: Calling My Phone by Lil Tjay ft. 6LACK (Peak: 3, Current: 13)
Hi, uh, quick question Mr. Tjay: Where in the FUCK has this been? I'm kind of shocked with how well this works. I checked out Lil Tjay's album Destined 2 Win about two weeks ago this song stood out HARD in terms of quality. That dark, damp, sulking mood where you feel completely alone with your thoughts of the one who got away. That pitched up sample of just "I can't get you off my mind now" was one of the hardest hitting things I heard on the charts the first time. It's a song where, to get the full effect, you need to be sitting alone in a dark room with headphones at max volume. Honestly, my only problem is that when I'm not in that specific mood, I don't really seek this out often, but that's most likely a fault of myself. This is legit.
#4: Save Your Tears by The Weeknd (Peak: 4, Current: 5)
It'll fully click with me eventually, don't worry. Any day now.
The Great Tier (5/5)
#3: 34+35 by Ariana Grande (Peak: 2, Current: 9)
Yeah, sex is cool and all, but have you ever forced your friend to listen to a 70 minute album that's nothing but some guy on an acoustic guitar yelling grotesque profanity? Because I have.
#2: Leave the Door Open by Silk Sonic (Peak: 2, Current: 3)
Praise everything that is holy, Anderson .Paak finally broke through. To say I've been rooting for this guy would be the understatement of the century. The moment I heard Am I Wrong with ScHoolboy Q a few years back, I've been begging for him to cross over. And he knew this was his time. You can tell he's giving it his all on here and he runs away with everything. He's just such a charismatic, lively breath of fresh air that his voice gives me the same energy to that of Snoop Dogg - pure serotonin. Bruno does great too. He's always had a knack for picking the right R&B nostalgia vibes for his retro stuff, and for someone who doesn't actually know that much about R&B (I'm currently trying to fix that), I can still tell exactly what he was going for and that he knocked it out of the park once again. Fantastic song.
My #1 is Blinding Lights by The Weeknd.
#1: Blinding Lights by The Weeknd (Peak: 1, Current: 6)
I originally was going to leave this one completely blank because fuck you, but then it became the biggest song in Billboard history about a week ago. w h a t
Ok so Top 20 is done. Total score is 61/100, so pretty good.
SONGS I WANT TO BE HITS:
Damage by H.E.R. (Peak: 44, Current: 58)
Nooo don't slowly fall off the charts while almost at 20 weeks you're so sexy aha
Hell of a View by Eric Church (Peak: 63, Current: 65)
Eric Religion is one of the most interesting act in mainstream country right now. Like, he's literally releasing a triple album today, next Friday and the Friday after. How is this man real?
Monsters by All Time Low ft. blackbear (Peak: 55, Current: 70)
The fact that this is still here alone made me put it in this slot a second time and no I'm still not counting the Demi Lovato version.
Quicksand by Morray (Peak: 74, Current: 80)
Diet Rod Wave is somehow just as enjoyable if not more than regular Rod Wave. Speaking of which...
Tombstone by Rod Wave (Peak: 82, Current: 82)
This hit the Top 20 the week after the one I'm talking about, so instead I'm once again going to ask all of you to once again stream Heartbreak Anniversary by Givēon.
SONGS I REALLY REALLY DON'T:
Breaking Up Was Easy in the 90's by Sam Hunt (Peak: 76, Current: 79)
I am going to break Sam Hunt's kneecaps with a baseball bat and there's nothing he can do about it.
Buss It by Erica Banks (Peak: 47, Current: 72)
This one's already off the charts so who cares, but I still want to mention it because I seem to be the only one to think this is a complete mess and I don't know why.
Heat Waves by Glass Animals (Peak: 56, Current: 57)
Y'know usually you're supposed to be proud when you find a band or artist before they get super popular.
GIRL LIKE ME by The Black Eyed Peas & Shakira (Peak: 67, Current: 89)
Me a month ago: Lol it's already almost gone.
Me now: Oh yeah this was a thing.
Momma's House by Dustin Lynch (Peak: 62, Current: 63)
The fact that a genuine, honest to God arsonist anthem is on the charts would be the greatest thing in the world if it was actually supposed to be one and didn't sound like shit.
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