title card done by Al Vareda (@HowdyImAl)
2020 was nobody's favorite year.
I do not care as to what your race, gender, age, sexuality, political leanings, status of wealth, religion, or current place of residence are. If you were alive and conscious for all 365 days of 2020, then 2020 was not your favorite year to live in. From the beginnings of January to the last trickles of December, 2020 was a year of frustration, loss, anger, depression, and most of all, an ungodly amount of stress. It was a year in which there seemed to be nothing but valleys for the eyes to see, no light at the end of the tunnel, no diamond in the rough, and no escape from all of this in sight.
And yet, despite all of what I just said, we had something. Something that felt like a wave of comfort in an ocean of pain. Pop music. Yeah, this was a surprisingly good year for music. Like, just really solid overall. Pop and rap were dominant, country is still coming more and more back, hell, even the smallest snippets of rock appeared! For a year with so much frustration, I found music to be a good way to help myself. But, with that statement comes with the obvious. If there's good music, there's bad music, and boy were there some stuff I did not like on here. But before we get into those, let's go over a few rules:
1. These are only songs that were on Billboard's U.S. Year End 100 Songs for 2020, and only if it's their first year end. It's my way to have a nice tight list of songs to choose from. So if you're wondering why a certain three letter pop group or white rapper with a pretentious anti-drug controversy aren't on here, that's why.
2. I should mention that these are my opinions, no matter how I phrase them. I do realize that when talking about things I dislike I can get somewhat mean-spirited and kind of crass. It's how I write about negative things.
3. There's also a "One song per main artist" rule in play. Duets and collabs where there's two main artists are flexible given on if I feel like it.
So, with those out of the way, let's run through some quick dishonorable mentions.
D.M. 1: "Bandit" (Juice WRLD & YoungBoy Never Broke Again) [YE: 63]
I...am not ready to talk about this one yet. I've tried for a while to try and convert my feelings about this song into words and I am still unable to. Hopefully by the year end ranking my thoughts can become clear, but for now...I got nothing except for the fact that I do not like this song. Sorry.
D.M. 2: "Party Girl" (StaySolidRocky) [YE: 64]
So, believe it or not, but I don't really enjoy bashing on random teenagers making music for the fun of it. A lot of the time, it feels like punching down and unnecessarily negative, plus, I do respect people taking that risk at such a young age without a lot of polish, it's how a lot of the best of punk rock was made, some guys in a basement jamming out for fun. But even with all that said, this song gives me a headache. Not even in a descriptive way, it just sounds like absolute dogshit that was mixed by an empty can of whipped cream StaySolidRocky used for whippets. You see what I mean by the overly negative feeling now? Ugh, I do hope this guy gets better and that my words don't discourage him, but good God this was a bad first start.
D.M. 3: "RITMO (Bad Boys for Life)" (The Black Eyed Peas & J Balvin) [YE: 50]
Now, if we're talking about an act I hold nothing back for...let's talk about The Black Eyed Peas' comeback because holy f u c k if the last song gave me a headache, this one feels like a straight up double-barrelled shotgun to the temple. will.i.am has been in the music industry for over two decades, and yet his music still suffers from the most basic of fuck-ups, like "Hey, maybe don't have not one, but two incredibly distracting samples of famous songs that don't fit within the song and makes every transition jarring as fuck?" Or maybe "Hey, maybe don't use the same type of dumbass Spanglish that every white Southerner tries while visiting Mexico to fit in with 'the locals'?" Oh, and speaking of which:
"I am on top of the pedestal (flu shot)
I am so sick I need medical (who thought?)
I learned that shit down in Mexico"
Genuinely fuck you.
D.M. 4: "Stuck with U" (Ariana Grande & Justin Bieber) [YE: 80]
While this may not be the worst song of the year, it is absolutely the most tone deaf. Hearing two of the most popular and successful artists of the current day, whose combined wealth adds up to a grand total of $435,000,000 talking about how relaxed and carefree the Coronavirus pandemic has made they're life while 1.86 millions people are dead and even more are facing life threatening side effects to it, along the the ever growing percentage of poverty, unemployment, and homelessness grows in rapid succession every day due to said pandemic is such a shocking lack of judgement in reading the goddamn room that I wouldn't be surprised if Sia had a writing credit on this. And the fact that this is a "charity single" makes it even worse, because for one: THEY are not using a single dime to help the relief, and are instead using the money of the customers, aka the people whom this charity is supposed to be helping, for the funds instead, and two: The fact that this had any level of success is terrifying, because that means that more of these bullshit, phony and insincere pieces of capitalistic marketing disguised as songs could be on the way for us, depending on how much longer Corona decides to stick around. The only reason as to why it's missing the list proper is that I can take solace in the fact that nobody will care about this song down the line, and I do believe that at the very least Ariana had the best intentions given how she has shown the public that she can follow up on her talk. Outside of that, this song is a disaster of bad decisions. Skip it.
D.M. 5: "Sum 2 Prove" (Lil Baby) [YE: 79]
I have tried so very hard to get into Lil Baby, and for the most part the effort has still yet to be successful. I can say that after diving deeper into his discography my attitude towards him has changed from actively disliking to just throwing my hands up and saying the tried and true excuse of "He's just not my thing." That said, I think fans can even agree that thing songs sucks, or at the very least is the worst of his five bajillion hits he had this year. It's a rollercoaster of a listening experience, except the rollercoaster is malfunctioning and becomes unable to stops so you're just going in an constant circle of ups and downs where you just wish for a flat, solid piece of floor to stand on and precedingly throw up on. Not a fun experience at all.
So, with those out of the way, let's get into the Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2020!
#10
The problem with making "worst" lists is that most of the time, you're going to piss someone off with every pick. Most likely not the same person, but someone nonetheless. Now, why is that? Well, a reason as to why I that is because, and this is something a lot of people in my small circle of music nerds including me, most people like the music that's popular. Most people just don't really want to think about music that hard, which isn't a bad thing, but can make things like this seem very annoying to them. At times, it can feel like we're just being mean to be mean. I've learned a lot of that from my own experiences, and I do think I've gotten better at it, but it is nevertheless something that happens.
With all that said, I kind of doubt any of that is gonna happen with this pick.
#10: "Yummy" (Justin Bieber) [YE: 58]
I'm not going to talk about this song for that long because, honestly, what is there left to say? It's Yummy by Justin Bieber. It was the first big song released in 2020. People didn't like it. He tried to get it to #1 through some really gross marketing. It failed. Then it fell off the charts hard. End of story, right?
Well, it's not gonna be that short, because there is another part I want to talk about: I feel like Bieber knew most of this was going to happen. Obviously he still expected the #1 that didn't happen, but other than that, I have this feeling in my gut that this was his plan all along. People statistically pay more attention to things they dislike, so making a song purposely bad grabs a bigger audience, and by doing that people started to actively think about Justin Bieber again. Be honest with yourself, before 2020, when was the last time you've cared about Justin Bieber? I mean, yeah, he's always been around, but the last time I could think of him as a presence is, what? 2015? Even then, that was more of that fact that he was everywhere rather than any substance in his music. It's the perfect plan.
As of what I have to say about the song itself, it sucks. Obviously. Like I said, purposely bad, but even then this just feels so...slimy. Everytime I hear this I feel like I need to take a shower because my dumbass tried to take too many dirty plates to the sink at one time and-GODDAMMIT I DROPPED THEM AND NOW THERE'S FUCKING SALSA AND GUAC ALL OVER MY HOODIE I NEED TO GET THE DOGS OUT OF THE KITCHEN BEFORE THEY TRY TO EAT THE CHUNKS OF BROKEN PLATES AND BOWLS ON THE GROUND FUCK YOU BIEBER! You get what I'm going with there? It's gross, messy, obnoxious, and overall an incredibly unpleasant experience.
#9
Now, if we want to talk about the exact opposite of Yummy, a song that's so squeaky clean and wholesome that it winds up creating a very similar level of unpleasantry...
#9: "Nobody but You" (Blake Shelton & Gwen Stefani) [YE: 52]
Holy fuck this song is lame. As someone who's a fan of country music, even some of the sappy and corny stuff, this is the definition of middle of the road contemporary schlock. It's not even "bad" more that it feels like it was focused grouped hard enough to gaslight the American public to believe that Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani can work together in their music. Hell, even by that standard it fails, since Stefani has been basically demoted to the roll of "backing vocals" that are so far back in the mix that she may as well not be credited in what's claimed to be a duet between two Hollywood stars turned lovers because this formula has been done countless times over the course of well over half a decade. Nobody but You is both artists charm and personality being sanded off so they can """combine their sounds""" despite the fact that doing this with two very different artists from two very different genres gets rid of both of their strengths and has their weaknesses stick out like sore thumbs. It's music meant for everybody, which means it's music meant for nobody. Look, I'm happy for Blake and Gwen finding love, and from what I've seen it is genuine, but just because you guys can get along as partners, that doesn't mean you can get along musically.
#8
And on the topic of artists who do not work together in the slightest, turning an already bad song to the definition of a pure cash grab...
#8: "My Oh My" (Camila Cabello ft. DaBaby) [YE: 37]
This is a pointless song. It's obvious that Camila's label got worried about her career given how, besides Señorita, every single off of Romance had underperformed, so they just said to her "We need another Havana and fast" while simultaneously forgetting that Havana worked because it felt like a passion project from someone wanting to help others learn about her culture, which is why it sounds rich and luscious with Latin influences and doesn't sound like it was made in 25 minutes with a sixty dollar budget. Like I said, this is a cash grab. It was made to satisfy the executives, and that's it. It is a nakedly cynical product. But you know what? That doesn't make something automatically bad. Songs can still be good without being particularly original. But it needs something to distract you from the fact that it's unoriginal. Camila knew this and the record executives knew this. So what did they do to try to mask the unoriginality? They added a guest rapper. And he's why this is on here.
This is, without a doubt, DaBaby's worst performance. First off: whoever tried to blend his vocals needs to be fucking fired, because he sounds like he recorded his verse on his phone. Second off: DaBaby fits into this song as much as a penguin fits into Arizona. Out of place, unsure as of what to do, and covered in sweat. Even with his verse just being an "insert into song here" type of deal, he feels so disjointed and absolutely does not play the "bad boy" role well at all. It's a mess that became the cherry on top of the trainwreck pie that is this song.
#7
As you can tell from the past three segments, sometimes it's easy to ramble on for why you think a song sucks and that you hate it, and it can be detailed and explicit and all that, and it's usually pretty fun to write.
But there's also times where you have Falling by Trevor Daniel. Those times are less fun.
#7: "Falling" (Trevor Daniel) [YE: 22]
I feel like I age twenty years every time I hear this. Falling is such an utterly draining experience without any sort of relief or payoff, just wallowing in damp misery. Which I guess makes this the perfect song for 2020, amirite? Well, that's where you'd be wrong, because Falling isn't actually a song about any sort of negative emotions. None whatsoever.
It's a fucking love song.
"My last made me feel like I would never try again
But when I saw you, I felt something I never felt
Come closer, give you all my love
If you treat me right, baby, I'll give you everything"
"Swore that I'd never fall again, don't think I'm just talking
I think I might go all in, no exceptions, girl, I need ya"
"Think I'm out of my mind, 'cause I can't get enough
Only one that I give my time, 'cause I got eyes for ya
Might make an exception for ya, 'cause I been feeling ya
Think I might be out of my mind, I think that you're the one"
There's no other way to read this. This is a love song, through and through. A failed love song at that.
I want to know what absolute moron hears this downtempo, dark and depressing beat and think to themselves "I should make a love song. Surely that's the best use for this beat. No other use could be better." This jarring contrast in tone between the lyrics and the actual song just makes the whole experience completely fucking miserable, and not in the intended way. It's not a miserable that you can sit in, it's the kind of miserable where you feel overstressed, overstimulated, and like all sense of reality is crumbling down in front of you. Pure and utter suffering.
#6
But of course, there is another way in which that form of misery can be introduced into oneself. The kind that, on surface, portrays happiness and positivity, the kind where everything is just sunshine and rainbows with no problems in sight. But the more it sinks, the more that facade seems to peel away to reveal a core that's just as hateful and dark as everything else in 2020.
Like I said, with those songs, the happiness you first hear is surface level...or even, dare I say, Surfaces level.
#6: "Sunday Best" (Surfaces) [YE: 61]
I don't like the feeling of being talked down to. Granted, I seriously doubt that that's only a me thing, but I feel that I need to mention it to explain my distaste for this song. I have been, and most likely forever will be, talked down to by a lot of people, whether those my age or older, it's something that just happens. Not saying everyone I know does it, far from that in fact, but I still notice it happening far too frequently than it should. The most likely factor as to why is just from my personality, which I've been told is a mix of "lovable teddy bear" and "complete and utter dipshit" so while I'm no longer surprised whenever it happens, it nevertheless pisses me off. The childish vocal tone, the constant need to explain everything, the blatantly false positive attitude, all of it annoys me.
Now, imagine all of what I just said, and turn it into a song. In fact, not just a song, but a song that's CONSISTENTLY played. That gut-churning feeling I get whenever these two fuck nuggets that they're "feeling good like I should" or that they just "say whatever cause there's no way around it" where I just want to scream back at them, "I'm in the most difficult year of high school during a global pandemic, leave me the fuck alone or else I will launch your ass out of the solar system."
None of this is helped by how this just sounds awful. If you could convert the phrase "white people be like" into musical form, it would most likely sound a lot like this. That grating piano line, the guitar licks, the bass that's both underwhelming and overpowering, and of course, those fucking trap elements. Good God, those trap elements. They're so watered down and neutered it feels like whitewashing. Look, if you find happiness in this, more props to you, maybe you're a lot less of a cynical person, but I'm not. I don't hear happiness in this, I hear condescendance. I hear two overprivileged frat douches telling me to "go with the flow" and that will always be a massive turn off for me.
#5
So let's talk about separating art from the artist.
Yeah, yeah, I know. Nobody like this discussion, but I feel like it's important, ESPECIALLY in 2020. In case you're unaware, a lot of really bad people were really successful in 2020. Convicted pedophiles, credibly accused rapists, an attempted murderer, Chris Brown, just a lot of really bad people. All of that has had the argument of where to draw the line especially tiresome, often appearing as how nobody can agree asto where said line should be. But there is one thing that I'm fairly certain all of us, no matter where own line is, can agree on.
And that is when the song in question sounds like shit regardless.
#5: "Got What I Got" (Jason Aldean) [YE: 60]
Just on sound alone this gets on here. Jason Aldean has this awful habit of trying to mix country with modern R&B, and every time he tries it's just the sleaziest sounding thing in the fucking universe, not at all helped by his voice, which is so lifeless and monotoned it may as well be an old synthesizer from the 80's. It's a headache to hear and even more of a headache to actually listen to.
But none of that is why it's so high on this list. No, for that, we need to talk about the lyrics. Specifically, the chorus:
"When I got what I got, I don't miss what I had
The old me before you belongs to the past"
So...in case you weren't aware, Jason Aldean is actually on his second marriage, currently with former American Idol contestant Brittany Kerr, now Brittany Aldean, which has been going on for about 6-ish years as of writing. Before that, he was married to a woman named Jessica Ussery, which lasted from 2001 to 2013, with two children from each woman also being involved. Now, you may be asking as to why I'm bringing this up, and to that question I will ask you this: Why do you think his first wife filed for divorce? Well, not to be pessimistic, but it may just had to do with the fact that he cheated on his first wife WITH THE PERSON WHO WOULD THEN BECOME HIS SECOND WIFE! I shit you not, this actually happened.
So, now that y'all know this information, let's hear that chorus again:
"When I got what I got, I don't miss what I had
The old me before you belongs to the past"
That is fucking disgusting. Cheating on your wife and then rubbing it into her face 7 years later is lowest of low behavior. Especially when your current wife is asking if he's loyal to him in the same song.
"In the back of your mind, you might think there's somethin' more I want"
GEE, I FUCKING WONDER WHY SHE WOULD THINK THAT!
This piss-poor attitude towards someone you've wronged along with the sleaze of the production makes this feels like a gaslighting song. Maybe I'm over analyzing it, and I'm definitely not saying that Aldean gaslights people in real life, but what I am saying is that every time I here this piece of shit, all I can imagine is the kind of relationship that actively damages everyone around it. The guy, the girl, the fucking kids, everyone. It's the type of behavior you can't find any kind of enjoyment out of. It's unnecessarily dickish and it can't even have fun in that dickishness. Fuck this.
#4
So, believe it or not, but I don't really like having controversial opinions. I like agreeing with people. I like bonding with people over similar opinions we share. I especially don't like when I have controversial opinion about a not liking a song. At least when it's me liking a song, I can try to be upbeat about it and maybe even convince others. But when it's when one I don't like...well...let's just say that things can sometimes get fairly heated.
#4: "Hot" (Young Thug ft. Gunna) [YE: 72]
I tried. I tried so hard to get this song, and yet with every attempt it just became more and more tedious and graining to the point where I've completely given up on it and just throw my hands in the air and say "I don't get it." Absolutely nothing about Hot works for me. I just...hate everything about this. I always try to explain my opinions as best as I can, but with this...what the fuck do I say?
Alright, look, most people don't really care about the #4 spot. Top 3 is right around the corner, so I'm just gonna try to say SOMETHING and then we move on.
Hot gives me a headache whenever I hear it. Maybe you can feel the vibe of it, but to me, there's no vibe. There's just a mess. The flute, the breathing noises, the fact that putting Gunna on a Young Thug song is like adding extra sugar to soda in level of redundancy. This is probably just a "me" type of thing, and I'm guessing a good chunk of people are gonna disagree, but it's my list, and I can't stand this song.
#3
While finalizing my list, I noticed that my top three have three themes in common with each other as to why they're on here and so high up. All three of these next songs are here because they all show corporate greed, undercooked highschool-level melodrama, and a hatred and contempt for their listeners. This also coincides with how 2020 was the year where I realized that there are very, VERY few things I despise more than those themes. So, when I realized that, I knew that I had a task on my hand. In a year where I often felt so incredibly angry, I had to channel all of that, and to possibly better myself, let it all out on these three absolute pieces of unredeemable dogshit.
So let's start by setting the scene. Imagine it's 2019 again, and everyone is obsessed with this song by the name of Old Town Road, a song that seems to get big off of an attempt to combine trap music with country. You might hear and think,"Hey, this kind of works" and appreciate the way that some nobody made a weird little contraption and it wound up being absolutely huge.
Now imagine you're a record executive, specifically one at MCA Nashville, and you see the success Old Town Road and think to yourself "Man, I wish we thought of that." At the same time, your boss tells you about one of the artist's under the label that's been causing trouble. He hasn't had a song catch much wind since 2017, and his attitude towards it is mostly "Ehh, whatever man" and he asks you to deal with him. And then you get an idea. An awful, horrible, downright despicable idea. An idea so nakedly cynical and abhorrent that it's all you can think about. In fact, one could even say that you're idea is just so bad, that you can't help but to find it oh so... hard to forget.
#3: "Hard to Forget" (Sam Hunt) [YE: 69]
Sam Hunt was a mistake. That should be more than obvious in 2021. Someone whose shown that they have legitimate talent in both writing and singing, only to consistently undermine all of his strengths in favor of shitting out formless, lifeless, dead in the water, 5 years too late bro-country schlock for a quick easy pay and has been rewarded for it. I heard his dumpster fire of an album SOUTHSIDE, with enough sing-rapping and trap snares to the point where even calling it a "country" album feels wrong on close to an objective level. 40 minutes of no ambition, no creativity, no soul, shitty hooks, somehow shittier production and instrumentation, some really gross and creepy lyrics, and, most of all, nothing but contempt for its listener. It's a hollow shell of an album, and Hard to Forget is said shell's core. Trying to take a sample of Webb Pierce's There Stands the Glass and running it through the dogshit mill to completely gut any heart from it only to chop it into bits to add an extra layer of misery. But if Hard to Forget was just a shitty little dumb song, it wouldn't be this high on the list. So let's get to why it is.
First and foremost, this is a breakup song. A relationship between Hunt and some girl has recently ended, and he still has feelings. Fine. Whatever. There's been plenty of good and even great songs with this same narrative, so how does he deliver it?
"Told me to leave all your things
Out on the porch on the swing
You'd come and grab them by the end of the week
It's just some jeans and a shirt
But it's a whole lot of hurt
I think I know why you've been dragging your feet"
Oh no.
"It's kinda funny how I can't seem
To get away from you
It's almost like you don't want me to"
O h n o .
"I got a bottle of whiskey but I've got no proof
That you showed up tonight in that dress
Just to mess with my head"
O H N O .
"Aw you're breaking my heart
Baby you're playing hard to forget"
Sam, you fucking moron. You took the worst possible route. You took the "You sure you're over me?" route. Why did you do that? You actively chose to do the most frustrating of the five stages of grief, denial, and tried to make it actually work. That is...a level of ballsiness that, while I can somewhat respect in a "ah fuck it, why not?" kind of way, rarely ever works with a breakup song. I can count on one hand the number of times that's worked. All you did was turn this song from stupid to absolutely delusional and even stalkerlike. This is where the melodrama part comes in. The sheer blind idiocracy of Hard to Forget. It's not even the kind of stupid that can be fun, it's the kind of stupid that makes you want to break everything in sight. The kind where you feel as if you would need to study their brain under a microscope just to understand what in the goddamn fuck was going through their head. The kind of dumb that makes you feel dumb. Fuck this song and fuck Sam Hunt.
#2
I'm betting that multiple people assumed that this song would be my #1, and I don't blame them. I wrote a big ass post about this song earlier in the year when it first hit the top 40, I've made it very well known my hatred of this song both online and IRL, I see why it would be the obvious guess. Hell, for a while, it was my #1. But when finalizing this list, I struggled a lot with my top 2. So sonically and lyrically different yet so many similarities within their approaches. Then I asked myself one question, "Which song do you understand the appeal of less?" and I knew exactly which was worse. Because at the very least, when you feel like you're at your limit with so much bullshit coming your way, this could be your gateway in expressing those feelings of being fed of with everyone and everything. Fuck, I do that too with music. We all do. But there's a difference between letting all that anger and negativity out and having said anger and negativity swallow you whole.
#2: "hot girl bummer" (blackbear) [YE: 26]
Hey, uh, quick editor's note: these last two entries are most likely the harshest things I've ever written. I should reminder you that this is still my opinion and you can like what you like, no matter how up my ass I can be about it. Got it? Good.
I want to clear something up about this song: hot girl bummer is not a villain anthem. Or at the very least not one that works. A villain song is where you're able to set a genuine atmosphere of darkness and eery (clipping.'s Visions of Bodies Being Burned does wonders with this), and/or be able to see yourself slide in the shoes of the debauchery through leaning in towards our worst human impulses (part of the reason as to why Eminem's earlier work holds up). This does neither. There's next to no weight in either the instrumentation or blackbear himself, and if you can somehow relate to this, you fit in the what this song really is. hot girl bummer isn't a villain anthem, it's an entitlement anthem.
This is about shoving your privileges in others faces while simultaneously acting like the underdog who couldn't care less about them. Buying out an entire club just for yourself, hooking up with whoever you damn well please, yet constantly with the attitude of "Whatever, man. Just fuck off. I don't need you." Like they're defensive. It's the same energy as trust fund college kids breaking everything in sight because no one's going to stop them. It's pretentious, it's lazy, and it's...well, damn near the definition of white privilege. Yes, I went there. It's the sound of a bunch of dumbass kids with no awareness of how lucky they are and whenever hit with any actual problems, they shrug it off because they can.
Look, if you just like the song because you like how it sounds, or it's catchy, or you don't really take it seriously and just vibe, that's fine. Like I said, music is one of the most subjective art forms we have. But if you can relate to this song, if you listen to what he's saying and unironically say "This speaks to me," then you are the problem. I don't like putting morals into this because it always feels preachy and lame, but there are times where, to understand the full extent of the emotions I have towards a song, I need to. This song shows a culture and attitude that we should've never had and DEFINITELY shouldn't have kept in our society. Good fucking riddance.
So, that was a lot, but before we get to my #1, here's five songs that did NOT make the year end that I wanted to mention, or as I like to call them, Non-Hit Dishonorable Mentions.
N.H.D.M. 1: "I Love My Country" (Florida Georgia Line)
Um...so...first things first:
O O P S I E F U C K I N G D A I S I E S
Look, it's pretty obvious that I'm a left wing guy, so a song that proudly states how "r cuntree iz da bes an fuk u eef ya dizagree!" is probably not going to be for me. I realize that, and I also realize how me openly stating my political leaning can lead people to the assumption that this is only here for its politics. And...I mean, I'd be lying if I said the politics had nothing to do it. Even if you agree with this, it's pretty hard to deny just how HORRIBLY timed this was. A year where the United States was more politically divided than it might have ever been, these two drink-beer-from-a-bucket dipshits decide to praise the almighty holy land as some big sing-a-long song? Like, do you not know how to read a room?
But that's only part of the problem, because even if this was a completely apolitical song, it would still sound like absolute garbage. It's as if you scooped up the worst parts of the decaying, fly-covered carcass that is bro country, try (and fail) to bring it up to current times, all while simultaneously try to give it some kind of "country cred" with the banjos and overall structure? You try to pull that shit on the same song with trap snares and a fucking rap verse? Yeah, no.
N.H.D.M. 2: "Novocaine" (The Unlikely Candidates)
I never liked this song to begin with, but the more I heard it either on the radio or from a certain friend who consistently played the guitar melody of this song, the more the rage built up within me as I realized I gave this overproduced, Hey Soul Sister stealing, piece of focused-grouped #Relatable bullshittery made for people who don't have real problems living off their daddy's money FAR too much credit. It's the indie equivalent of Sunday Best, where it's laissez-faire way of life basically saying "eh, whatever" at everything, but this time it includes in the text of their own fuck-ups, saying "Oh well, I'm never really gonna change, so why bother?" It's cowardly pisstalk, and I DETEST people who think like that. Grow up or go away.
N.H.D.M. 3: "Popular Monster" (Falling in Reverse)
And on the topic of people who've never grown the fuck up...
I've made it clear of my hatred of this band and especially it's frontman Ronnie Radke, but holy f u c k this song pissed me off in ways Falling in Reverse haven't done since that utterly heinous cover of Gangsta's Paradise. I'm not even sure why this is the one that pisses me off. Maybe it's because of the stupid trap hi-hats and snares that don't fit with the rest of the song and kills any type of "mood" this was trying to go for. Maybe it's Radke delivering a particularly whiny performance where I just want to tell him to go to his room and shut the fuck up. Maybe it's this line:
"Is this post-traumatic stressing or am I suppressing rage?"
Maybe it's all of this combined with an obnoxious hook that's catchy enough to stick in your head while simultaneously causing a migraine for every second it's lodged in there. Ugh, next!
A few months back, I had a discussion with my mom on whether music can be "evil," where I said that music couldn't be "evil" since a lot of the music that uses a lot of evil imagery is made more for shock and not really for harm. I would now like to retract that statement because this song is fucking E V I L. Having a wife beater, a pedophile, and the piece of shit who shot Megan Thee Stallion all asking this girl if they can "fuck and still be friends" is one of the most despicable and loathsome things I've heard in a long time. This song would probably be here just on principle, but it doesn't help that it's also just a fucking atrocious piece of music by itself. The beat has this gross sliminess to it of being just polished enough to be coherent, but constantly having this skeety undertone to it where you know these fuckers are lazy shitheads who will take advantage of any girl they can get their hands on. All three of some have this uncanny anti-charisma that, instead of turning into actual charm, it makes me want to reach for some mace. Fuck this song, fuck G-Eazy, fuck Tyga, fuck Tory Lanez, fuck everyone who's excused their behavior, and fuck the corporate shitlords giving all three of these oxygen wasters money and studio time. One of the worst songs I've ever heard, hands down.
You ever here a song for the first time and the only thought in your head is "who in the absolute fuck decided this was a finished product and why aren't they fired yet?" because, like, what the hell is this?
I don't even know where to start on how big of a clusterfuck this is. Like, the obviously cheap and lazy beat, the fact that somehow BOTH of these guys are off beat, the blatant audio stitching in DJ Chose's verse that straight up just sounds like a parody, the random ass sample of the first second of the Jaws theme song? The hook that's deadass just this dude spitting in your ear? This fucking line?
"Kill the pussy COVID"
I honestly might tell you to give it a listen purely on how absolutely batshit it is. This is one of those "once in a lifetime disaster" songs that's just gonna keep you questioning as to why and how the fuck this exists. Holy mother of balls, what a mess.
Alright, got those out of the way, so let's finally finish this off.
#1
So, now I have to ask to question of what was worse this year than a song that symbolizes an attitude I despise? Not much, right? Well, how about a song that symbolizes an attitude I despise, but particularly within the business of music? With hot girl bummer, I can close my eyes and plug my ears to ignore its bullshit. My #1 on the other hand? This represents one of the ugliest parts of being in this little bubble of music nerds that doesn't involve the fucking stans. It's one, while present everywhere, heavily effects the music industry far more frequently than you could imagine and I would've wanted to know.
So, I again ask, what's worse than a song about white privilege? A song about exploitation of the suffering of others. And in 2020, a year where everyone felt the weight of the world on their shoulders, one where the chance of a light at the end of the tunnel seemed almost foolish, one where we became more separated from our friends and family more than what's healthy for any human, we had to hear two rich shitheads with no chemistry sing about being stuck together for their own melodramatic, narcissistic, damn near oblivious end goal.
I should remind you that I'm not talking about Stuck with U. While that song was an immediate smack in the face of poor taste, but I can easily see it being lost to the sands of time. This song, on the other hand, was a slow burn. One that slowly rose up the charts, and only became more aggravating with each week. It's a song that I see being panned for a while to come as a shitty duet that the higher ups saw as a potential to make money through most people's worst year. Even if it wasn't originally intended for that purpose, in the end it still became just another corporate shill. So, with everything out of the way, it's time for the the grand reveal.
#1: "If the World Was Ending" (JP Saxe ft. Julia Michaels) [YE: 56]
I could count on one hand the number of songs that I've heard in my 17 years of life that make me angrier than this middling, pretentious, whiny, sluggish, overly serious, badly written, badly sung piece of human waste of a song. This is one of those songs that immediately put me in a bad mood whenever I hear it. Nothing about this comes anywhere close to working. Absolutely nothing, nada, zero, zilch, diddily-fucking-dick. It is a fucking failure of a song and I don't think I will ever understand why anyone likes this. The premise of "two ex-lovers embracing each other at the end of the world" seems fine until you realize that both people try to downplay the catastrophe by having one not feel it and the other not fucking caring, which guts any emotional tension. Added to that the fact that apparently one of them wasn't "down for forever" which makes the entire idea of the song fall flat on its face given how they're dying in each other's arms, then making it forever. Even without those little nuggets of piss, the lyrics just plain suck. They're all full of this vague, empty, fill-in-the-blank hollowness where anyone could slide themselves in without any actual meaning being present. There's no chemistry between the two (which you think there would given how they're fucking dating in real life), and even if there was, their delivery is fucking awful. There's no weight, no pain, no feeling of ANY goddamn emotion. It's the vocal performance of a wall, especially when both are some of the worst singers currently in the mainstream. JP Saxe has the voice of a squeaky toy with a cold that's trying to go through its emo phase, and then...there's Julia Michaels. Julia. Fucking. Michaels.
I'm going to be blunt; if we're only talking about pure musical capability, Julia Michaels is the worst artist currently working in the mainstream, and it's not close. She adds absolutely nothing positive. She can't sing, she can't write, her choice of production is fucking garbage, there's nothing good. Even as someone who usually works behind the scenes, she's still the fucking worst. Every one of her co-writes have this awkward, overly wordy, metaphor-for-the-sake-of-metaphor feel to them. At least Sam Hunt can sing. At least blackbear knows when to fuck off. At least 6ix9ine can bring some kind of energy. At least Chris Brown can write a decent hook. Julia Michaels is the worst artist in the mainstream because everything she touches becomes worse. She's a sucking void of talent and I can't wait until her music becomes lost to the ends of time.
But even then, none of that is really why this is my #1. In fact, the reason as to why is pretty simple. And that's how they handled the song AFTER the pandemic. You see, this was released in October of 2019, a little over a month before the first COVID-19 case. So, when Corona hits the U.S., what did they do? They tried to make it a quarantine anthem. This, a song about being with other people during a time where we're all locked in our houses. Now imagine, if you will, that you find a friend group around January of 2020. A couple of people, around 6, taking you in as some nobody still trying to adjust to public school. You all laugh together, hang out, and you finally get that feeling of belonging somewhere. That feeling of finding people you want to spend the rest of your life with. For the first time, you feel genuinely and 100% happy about the people you're around.
And then March hits. You hear the announcement of a lockdown. You're abruptly separated from those who made you happiest. It shatters you. It feels like the brief moment of relief gets snatch away from you. You become the most stressed and anxious that you can remember. And then, imagine that every time you turn on the radio, or put on a random playlist, or look at the charts, there's this fucking song. A song about being in the embrace of those who you care most about. Now I want you to imagine what kind of toll that would put on someone. Imagine the rage building up inside him over the months, as the song slowly creeps up the charts, and you start hearing it even more. The reason that If the World Was Ending by JP Saxe ft. Julia Michaels is my #1 worst hit song of 2020 is because it was the last thing I needed. In a time where I, and many others, felt more alone in our life than possibly ever, we had these two fuckwits singing about their love. Fuck this song, fuck COVID-19, fuck the soulless politicians who put money over the safety and health of others, and fuck every bastard who's still refusing to wear a mask a YEAR into this. We're done here.
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