Yes, the best list is coming, give me time even though it's been about 6 months lol.
So, I'm browsing through Spotify during September of last year and I stumble across a song by an artist I forgot about and generally didn't like. "Huh, he's got a new song? Sure, why not?" I think to myself. So, I give it a listen. And what is the first thing I hear?
"Fuck you, and you, and you"
This was a mistake.
hot girl bummer by blackbear is one of the worst songs I've ever heard on the charts, if not my entire life. I honestly can't believe that people are buying this. I'm not even the kind of guy that's all "Meh! Why are people listening to all this bling n bitches crap, y'all need to listen to this new guy MC Lyrical and his new album How to Talk About Social Political Subjects with Rapping." I get why stuff like that gets popular. Not everyone wants to listen to super lyrical super deep mind altering stuff all the time or even at all. Sometimes people just want fun music, and I'm fine with that. But what I'm not fine with is this. For those who aren't aware, this is a pastiche of Hot Girl Summer by Megan Thee Stallion ft. Nicki Minaj & Ty Dolla $ign, a song that, if you follow my Twitter (shameless plug @TMGITG), you'd know that I put it on my best list, and I stand by that. It's a great song. Now, even as I bring that up, blackbear has specifically said that his song has nothing to do with Megan's., and is more about the hashtag trend. Whether or not that's true we may never know. What we DO know is that this is an incredibly lazy way of marketing. Even if it's not a parody, it knows that the trend of Hot Girl Summer exists and is mocking it not through jokes, but through insulting it's audience. I'll get more into that in a bit, but for now let's talk about the beat.
The beat is cheap. I don't even need to look at the production budget to know that it's cost was most likely in the single digits. It was produced and written by 2 people, blackbear himself and Andrew Goldstein, better known as FRND. Goldstein has produced for acts like Ne-Yo, Celine Dion, Demi Lovato, Simple Plan, Fifth Harmony, Britney Spears, Linkin Park, All Time Low, 5 Seconds of Summer, Oliver Tree and YUNGBLUD, and has written for most of who I previously mentioned along with The Score, Set It Off and The Band CAMINO, the last of which I really like. Goldstein's usual bread and butter seems to be pop and scene, so something like this looks a bit out of his comfort zone and by God you can tell. The guitars are way too quiet when they show up, making them sound cheap and flimsy as a result. Honestly, the beat doesn't really matter. There's nothing else to say about it other than it sucks because they barely put anything into it. And that brings us to blackbear himself which...oh boy.
Real talk, if I were just judging this song on production and lyrics, I wouldn't have paused my best list to talk about it. I would've listened to it, hated it, make a dumb tweet and move on with my life. HOW-FUCKING-EVER, since most people count the person saying the words as part of the song, let's talk about blackbear's performance.
blackbear is the reason why I chose to write this. I have never liked this guy. His latest 2 albums don't go any higher than a light 4, his lyrics are usually stupid, whiny and all around unlikeable, and that's before going into his performances, which highlights all of what I said above along with, infuriatingly, a sense of jealousy. He wants to be with the cool kids so badly, yet he can't. So instead, what he does is mock all of what they do while "secretly" wanting to do it as well, and I don't think I've EVER heard that as transparently enough as I have in hot girl bummer.
"This that hot girl bummer anthem
Turn it up and a tantrum"
Taking the incredibly popular hot girl summer/bummer trend (yes, there was a hot girl bummer trend before the song. Yes, it is as cringy as it sounds) and try to mock by saying it compares to a tantrum.
"This that social awkward suicide
That buy your lips and buy your likes"
Saying being socially awkward can buy you friends which...if that were true I'd be the most popular person in the history of ever.
"That college dropout music every day
Leg day she be too thick"
Like you would care. You'd be happy if you got to hook up with a fucking plunger.
But you wanna know the most infuriating part? In this song where he's supposedly "taking down the fakes," he brags about himself in the same way all the people he's mocking do. Unironically.
"I swear she had a man, but shit
Hit different when it's Thursday night"
Bragging about stealing someone's girlfriend. Side note: what the fuck are doing in the club on a Thursday night? Just wait until Friday so you don't come to work with a hangover and a migraine pounding to the beat of Through the Fire and the Flames.
"This that 10K on the table
Just so we can be secluded"
Spending $10K in one night to RSVP a section of a club.
"One more line, I'm superman"
Cocaine. In general.
But that's all just in the first verse and pre-chorus. If you want the REAL meat and potatoes of this bullshit, you gotta look at the second verse.
"This that hot girl bummer 2-step
They can't box me in, I'm too left"
I have no idea what this means, but I hate it.
"This that drip that's more like oceans"
The beat is cheap. I don't even need to look at the production budget to know that it's cost was most likely in the single digits. It was produced and written by 2 people, blackbear himself and Andrew Goldstein, better known as FRND. Goldstein has produced for acts like Ne-Yo, Celine Dion, Demi Lovato, Simple Plan, Fifth Harmony, Britney Spears, Linkin Park, All Time Low, 5 Seconds of Summer, Oliver Tree and YUNGBLUD, and has written for most of who I previously mentioned along with The Score, Set It Off and The Band CAMINO, the last of which I really like. Goldstein's usual bread and butter seems to be pop and scene, so something like this looks a bit out of his comfort zone and by God you can tell. The guitars are way too quiet when they show up, making them sound cheap and flimsy as a result. Honestly, the beat doesn't really matter. There's nothing else to say about it other than it sucks because they barely put anything into it. And that brings us to blackbear himself which...oh boy.
Real talk, if I were just judging this song on production and lyrics, I wouldn't have paused my best list to talk about it. I would've listened to it, hated it, make a dumb tweet and move on with my life. HOW-FUCKING-EVER, since most people count the person saying the words as part of the song, let's talk about blackbear's performance.
blackbear is the reason why I chose to write this. I have never liked this guy. His latest 2 albums don't go any higher than a light 4, his lyrics are usually stupid, whiny and all around unlikeable, and that's before going into his performances, which highlights all of what I said above along with, infuriatingly, a sense of jealousy. He wants to be with the cool kids so badly, yet he can't. So instead, what he does is mock all of what they do while "secretly" wanting to do it as well, and I don't think I've EVER heard that as transparently enough as I have in hot girl bummer.
"This that hot girl bummer anthem
Turn it up and a tantrum"
Taking the incredibly popular hot girl summer/bummer trend (yes, there was a hot girl bummer trend before the song. Yes, it is as cringy as it sounds) and try to mock by saying it compares to a tantrum.
"This that social awkward suicide
That buy your lips and buy your likes"
Saying being socially awkward can buy you friends which...if that were true I'd be the most popular person in the history of ever.
"That college dropout music every day
Leg day she be too thick"
Like you would care. You'd be happy if you got to hook up with a fucking plunger.
But you wanna know the most infuriating part? In this song where he's supposedly "taking down the fakes," he brags about himself in the same way all the people he's mocking do. Unironically.
"I swear she had a man, but shit
Hit different when it's Thursday night"
Bragging about stealing someone's girlfriend. Side note: what the fuck are doing in the club on a Thursday night? Just wait until Friday so you don't come to work with a hangover and a migraine pounding to the beat of Through the Fire and the Flames.
"This that 10K on the table
Just so we can be secluded"
Spending $10K in one night to RSVP a section of a club.
"One more line, I'm superman"
Cocaine. In general.
But that's all just in the first verse and pre-chorus. If you want the REAL meat and potatoes of this bullshit, you gotta look at the second verse.
"This that hot girl bummer 2-step
They can't box me in, I'm too left"
I have no idea what this means, but I hate it.
"This that drip that's more like oceans"
The picture you are seeing is of blackbear. If you can find where the drip is, I will give you nothing because fuck you. My point is, he's a bit of a shit-weasel.
"They can't fit me in a trojan"
"This that 'Who's all there? I'm pulling up
With an emo chick that's broken'"
"Yeah, bro! I can totally get with a girl who's gone through enough pain to be considered 'broken' and fuck her!" I....don't even have the words for that.
I want to make clear that nothing's wrong with living your life like it's a party. You do you. What IS wrong is what blackbear's doing. It's snotty, judgemental and detestable.
"We go (And you want me to change? Fuck you!)"
Oh no, I don't want you to change, blackbear. I want you to go. the fuck. a w a y. I want you to leave the charts and never come back. I want you and your music forgotten as a mistake by the mainstream public. This song is if Falling in Reverse made a rap song. No, fuck that, that's being too hard for FiR. At least when they did the more space rock stuff on that last album it was...not good, but at least tolerable. hot girl bummer is fucking Blood on the Dancefloor as a rap song. From the jealousy, the contempt for music as art, the lazy as fuck production, and most of all, the bitchiest lyrics this side of bitchville. Fuck this song, fuck blackbear and fuck those who agree with this mindset. I'm out.
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