I'm gonna be honest, I didn't want to do this. Not because this week was bad, it wasn't. There were more great songs in this Top 20 than the last, but there were also more shit songs in this Top 20 than the last. A mixed bad, but still enough quality to hold out. No, the reason I didn't want to do this is because I've been so down in the dumps over everything that's happened this year so far that I thought that I couldn't say anything positive even if I wanted to. Thankfully, that didn't happen. I still has something to say. Beverly Hills will be out sometimes in the next two weeks, for those who wanted to know. Also, I'm not going to talk about In Your Eyes because the only reason it's in the Top 20 is because of the album bomb. Instead I'm going to be talking about the next highest song that Isn't by The Weeknd.
The Shit Tier (0/5)
#20: hot girl bummer by blackbear [Peak: 11, Current: 13]
I did an entire separate review of this song, just read that. I don't want to talk about this anymore until it inevitably tops my worst list.
#19: Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi [Peak: 1, Current: 11]
A lot of my friends were upset that I put this in the shit tier last time. I don't care. If any of you want an explanation as to why I hate it, here are some links that talk about it better than I ever could.
Todd in the Shadows - Pop Song Review: Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi & Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2019 Part 2 (#4)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sW_32lzQvos
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5HSLDqtwAo
(Starts at 2:37)
Spectrum Pulse - Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2019 (Dishonorable Mention)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jQ7yH3rVK8&t=1203s
(Starts at 3:13)
TheDoubleAgent - worst hit songs 2019.mp4 (#10)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3HiEJePuotw
(Starts at 10:12)
Diamond Axe Studios - Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2019 Part 2 (#3)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nafEgzdmvgQ
(Starts at 12:11)
Mr. 96 - Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2019 (#1)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=--NTuJjziKI
(Starts at 31:55)
Cicabeot1 - Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2019 (#2)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RLteCXCzsHQ
(Starts at 31: 46)
RGS - Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2019 (#3)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YZ7ox0b5Oc
(Starts at 27:55)
Lyzette G - Lyzette's Worst Hit Singles of 2019 (#1)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DnBZMQ_xZR4
(Starts at 24:19)
The Mode Reviews - Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2019 10-1 (PART 2 of a Top 20) (#1)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gji9fmIHeM
(Starts at 37:41)
#18: My Oh My by Camila Cabello ft. DaBaby [Peak: 18, Current: 18]
This song gets worse every time I hear it. The beat is stale, with the bass being so muted that I can barely hear it, which is a problem since it's the best part of the song. Camila is an awful singer. Her vocals on here are particularly grating with her constantly being about half a pitch too high. The premise is basic as it's another "good girl gone bad" bullshit that was played out when Rihanna did it and is certainly not any less played out thirteen years later. Also, there's DaBaby.
"Look, I'm the type to make her turn on her daddy
DaBaby make her forget what she learned from her daddy"
This is fucking filler. Overall, this shits.
#17: Intentions by Justin Bieber ft. Quavo [Peak: 8, Current: 8]
A lot of people have been saying that this is worse than Yummy. I personally disagree. While Intentions is so unsexy with it's blocky percussion, fake claps and nauseous synth and lyrics so stupid that it's almost pitiable:
"Heart full of equity, you're an asset"
"Shout out to your mom and dad for making you"
"Triple threat, you a boss, you a bae, you a beast"
"Don't need a sponsor, nope, you're the brand now"
"You're my rock, my Colorado"
Key word being almost, Yummy makes me feel unclean whenever I hear it. Like I need to take a shower after hearing it. So if Yummy makes the year end (which it probably will), expect that and not Intentions because of my one artist rule.
The Bad Tier (1/5)
#16: ROXANNE by Arizona Zervas [Peak: 4, Current: 10]
I softened on this one. It's still incredibly stupid and meat-headed, but I will admit, this song has hooks for D A Y S. The chorus, the whistling, the beat itself, the opening "all for the gram" line, good God. Not much else to say about it.
#15: Memories by Maroon 5 [Peak: 2, Current: 14]
So, I got some things wrong last time. This is NOT a break up song. It's actually supposed to be a tribute to Maroon 5's former manager, Jordan Feldstein, who passed away in December of 2017. I didn't know that. You know why I didn't know that?
"Doo doo, doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo"
Anyone writing a serious tribute song would not put that in their song and have it sample fucking Pachelbel Canon. Get fucked.
The Meh Tier (2/5)
#14: 10,000 Hours by Dan + Shay & Justin Bieber [Peak: 4, Current: 19]
They played this at my school's Sweetheart dance as the "slow song" and it was so out of place it was embarrassing. Other than that, this song is boring and I don't know why it's still in the Top 20.
#13: Life Is Good by Future & Drake [Peak: 2, Current: 6]
I've willingly listened to this song about twenty times and I still don't remember what it sounds like.
#12: Savage by Megan Thee Stallion [Peak: 20, Current: 20]
Well this is disappointing. Why Megan's label is pushing this just because it got big on Tik Tok while B.I.T.C.H. and Captain Hook were already gaining tractions befuddles me. The beat is boring and blocky, Megan's wordplay is under par for her standards, and it's only saved from the bad tier because Megan is still charismatic behind the mic.
#11: The Box by Roddy Ricch [Peak: 1, Current: 2]
You know what? It grew on me. Not just this song, but Roddy Ricch in general. It's weird that I've ranked both the week right before and right after The Box was at #1. Maybe it's just me finally "getting" the appeal of Roddy that all his songs opened up for me. I still don't think this song is great, but I'm now okay with it being as big as it has been.
#10: Circles by Post Malone [Peak: 1, Current: 5]
Yeah, I still don't get this. Sorry. Y'all are REALLY gonna hate me when you see what's above this.
The Decent Tier (3/5)
#9: Say So by Doja Cat [Peak: 9, Current: 9]
I'm going to save the whole "this was produced by human scum" talk for its own separate thing because I do have thoughts on that and just talk about the song as just that. A song. Honestly, out of all the nu-disco songs on the charts right now, this is probably my least favorite. Not to say it's bad, of course it's not, it's in the decent tier. It's just that...the rap verse doesn't work. It sounds stilted against the beat, which in itself is a bit too tight and controlled for any real energy to form. I've seen many people shitting biscuits one way or another over this song, and I don't think I'll ever get why.
#8: The Bones by Maren Morris [Peak: 17, Current: 17]
This is a song I respect more than I like. Women in country music have been constantly fucked over by Nashville. Why Nashville will constantly pass up artists like Emily Scott Robinson, The Highwomen, Kacey Musgraves, and even previously established acts like Reba McEntire and Pistol Annies who are still making great music in favor of more meat-headed party anthems by some white jackass who likes to have sex in cars and ONLY in cars is such an ungodly awful idea. So, having a song by an actual women in country (and NOT Bebe Rexha) all by herself top the country charts is absolutely a step in the right direction, even if the song itself is just okay. This may not be the greatest thing ever, but I get the feeling that this is the stepping stone to the greatest thing ever. Good work, people.
The Good Tier (4/5)
#7: Ballin' by Mustard ft. Roddy Ricch [Peak: 11, Current: 23]
Yeah, the other Roddy Ricch song grew on me too, arguably even more so. I've stopped caring about the lyrics because their clearly not supposed to the main focus. No, the main focus of this song is that amazing beat. Back in 2013-2014, DJ Mustard was making songs like Show Me, Na Na, Don't Tell 'Em, and I'm Different. Now, he's making songs like Boo'd Up, Trip, and of course, Ballin'. If that's not improvement, I don't know what is.
The Great Tier (5/5)
#6: Dance Monkey by Tones and I [Peak: 4, Current: 15]
Fuck you, it's still great.
#5: Adore You by Harry Styles [Peak: 7, Current: 7]
Yes, yes, yes, oh G O D yes. I am so happy that this is in the Top 10. It's one of those songs that's just too perfect for word to describe. This is the pinnacle of perfection that this song could have achieved. It's radio fodder of the best kind. The kind that's great the first time you hear it, and still great the hundredth time you hear it.
#4: Don't Start Now by Dua Lipa [Peak: 2, Current: 3]
God. Fucking. D A M N . The immaculate percussion, the funky as hell bass groove, the delightfully kiss off lyrics, and one of Dua Lipa's best vocal performances I've heard, and this is still only #3? I mean, the charts can't be THAT bad if this is the case, right? Surely if a song as perfect as this isn't even in my top three, then we're clearly doing something right, right?
#3: everything i wanted by Billie Eilish [Peak: 8, Current: 12]
Billie Eilish is a national treasure and we must protect her at all costs. What everything i wanted reminds me of the most is a more downbeat version of I Took a Pill in Ibiza, equal amounts of crushing sadness, but portrayed through different means. Mike Posner demonstrated his sadness as a party that's gone out of control and the fun stopped about and hour ago and why the fuck are you still here. Billie Eilish shows more of a cry for help at a potential love interest, breaking down and laying everything she's bottled up laid out for him to examine.
#2: Heartless by The Weeknd [Peak: 1, Current: 4]
Yeah, this still kicks ass, but you know what kicks more ass?
#1: Blinding Lights by The Weeknd [Peak: 1, Current: 1]
Hey, remember what I said about Good as Hell? Specifically, this:
"...but unless 2020 turns out to be one of the greatest years for music, I'm fairly certain it'll top my best list for 2020."
Yeah...about that. I can think of only one song that I've listened to more than Blinding Lights this year, and since that one is a rock song about how fucked we are, it, of course, will never chart. This, on the other hand, has gone to number one in 29 countries, including the U.S., Canada, United Kingdom, Australia, New Zealand and France, and it deserves it. In ten years time, this will be considered a flawless masterpiece, heralded as an essential cornerstone in music, and easily the best song in the Spring Top 20!
The score for this week was a 52/100. Overall, not bad. Kind of wish there were less shitty songs and that hot girl bummer would get nuked off the face of the earth, but you can't have everything, am I right? Anyway, my name is David, thanks for reading, and I hope you tune in next time.
SONGS I WANT TO BE HITS:
Does to Me by Luke Combs ft. Eric Church [Peak: 63, Current: 63]
Eric Church is a national treasure and w-shit, I already used this joke.
homecoming queen? by Kelsea Ballerini [Peak: 65, Current: 65]
As a high schooler, this song is a good reminder that everyone's human. Sometimes I need that reminder.
I Hope You're Happy Now by Carly Pearce & Lee Brice [Peak: 64, Current: 64]
The good version of We Don't Talk Anymore.
Know Your Worth by Khalid & Disclosure [Peak: 57, Current: 82]
It won't last, but whatever. It's a good song.
To Die For by Sam Smith [Peak: 46, Current: 84]
Pink lemonade is fucking delicious.
SONGS I REALLY REALLY DON'T:
BEST ON EARTH by Russ & BIA [Peak: 46, Current: 52]
This is the strip anthem from hell.
Heartless by Diplo Presents Thomas Wesley ft. Morgan Wallen [Peak: 73, Current: 90]
I swear to God the only reason this re-entered this week was because people got it mixed up with The Weeknd's Heartless.
Nobody but You by Blake Shelton & Gwen Stefani [Peak: 43, Current: 44]
Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani trying to find a middle ground between their musical styles is one of the most horrifyingly strange things on the charts right now and I don't like it.
Sunday Best by Surfaces [Peak: 62, Current: 62]
Um...if Kidz Bop covered AJR?
What She Wants Tonight by Luke Bryan [Peak: 46, Current: 46]
Luke Bryan is bad and I want him to go away.
No comments:
Post a Comment